Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind
by Robin4
Summary: This is an another alternate ending to the movie, supposing that Commodus had decided that he wanted Maximus to serve him, and though he knew how to get it. This is the final, finished version. All the parts are here. Please R&R.
1. Who Knows No Fear

You Have to Decide…

**Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind**

# PART ONE: "WHO KNOWS NO FEAR"

Hope… It seemed like such a foreign word to him.His world had fallen apart at the seams again, once more – just as he had once again begun to _believe._Why had he risked it?What had made him turn from the simple path of vengeance?How had he been convinced that there was once again something worth fighting for?Where had he gone wrong in finding and following that dream?

Who had made him do it?Did it matter?The answer was so utterly clear now that he had failed.Yes, it all mattered.Everything mattered – justice, freedom, truth, and _Rome._Rome above all; or almost above all.But Rome hadn't made him do it.Rome, though she had pleaded with him to fulfill her dream, had not cried loud enough.The people, their suffering, and even his love for Marcus Aurelius had not been enough.No, there was a far more important reason.Her._Lucilla_.

Only now could he truly admit to himself that he loved her once more – still, yet, again.Had he ever stopped?Probably not.Pain and pride had been the reason they'd been driven apart, never a lack of love.Love they had possessed in abundance.Maybe they had loved too much to see clearly that their own actions doomed them.Whatever the reasons for their downfall, the past was the past.They could not change it.

Or could they?

It had seemed so, in that brief moment only hours before.Now it seemed a lifetime ago when he had held her close for mere seconds that had lasted forever.They had both expected to find a second chance in life, in each other, in the days to come.It mattered not if she had betrayed him – for surely, she had – love had once more touched him.He knew Lucilla had been driven to betrayal to protect her son.He understood, and she had awakened something long dormant.Maximus had, for the first time since he had seen his family dead, hoped.Now he just awaited death.

Commodus had no choice but to kill him.He had inspired a conspiracy against the young emperor, and, worse yet, become a symbol of everything Commodus was not.People would have followed him willingly, even rejoiced in his victory over the ruler of Rome.Now, though that had been stopped, Commodus had no choice but to rid himself of Maximus as quickly as possible, lest others follow him or his army learn where he was.His mistakes had doomed more than himself, the general knew, but he was now powerless to change things and unable to influence anyone but himself.His life lay in Commodus' hands, but he'd be damned if he'd die the way the emperor wanted… whatever that was.

Searing pain from his back jerked him from his reverie.In surprise, he almost cried out, yet bit his tongue as he remembered where he was.He'd almost been unconscious, and why?Oh, yes, _Commodus._Where was the brat prince now?Certainly not here, amazingly enough, watching his nemesis be tortured.Pain again, but Maximus refused to break.His dignity was one of the few things he had left.To Hades with Commodus' goals or reasons for this.He might have been captured, but he would not give him that victory.

Finally the agony began to bleed into gray dizziness, and the world began to spin.Teeth gritted; he'd not give in.As a slave, he'd been beaten before – although this was far enough beyond that to be called systematic torture.His still-analytical mind told him that it had a purpose, though what that was defied his comprehension at the moment.Surely Commodus was behind it – but _why?_What was the point to this?It would have been far more intelligent for the emperor to have killed him and been done with it.So what was this, revenge?Anger, pure and simple?No, dizzy and disoriented though he might have been, Maximus was willing to bet there was more than that.Commodus was far too sneaky for such simplicity.

Suddenly the pain stopped.Or, rather, the application of pain stopped; everything else remained.Then a voice intruded upon his blackness.

"Unchain him," Commodus said.

Pain forgotten, Maximus' head snapped up at the sound of the emperor's voice, anger sharpening his suddenly cleared gaze.Marcus Aurelius' son just smiled calmly at him, heightening Maximus' feeling that something was dreadfully wrong.Commodus had a goal; that much was clear, but what was it?He'd only begun to examine the possibilities when the chains were released and his body asserted itself, unthankful for the preceding long hours of torture.Pride notwithstanding, he staggered; a wave of dizziness dropped him to his knees.Instinct snapped a hand out to catch himself before he fell completely to the Coliseum floor.Agony laced mercilessly through his back and his head would not stop pounding…

Snickering from the praetorians behind him reminded Maximus where he was and he shoved himself to his feet, pushing the pain aside by sheer willpower.A quick glance to each side told him he was surrounded by Commodus' personal guard and… Quintus.Damn Quintus.He did not, could not, hate his old friend, but had Quintus listened for a half a second to him, long enough to explain – but would he have explained?Or would his pride have kept him from it?Best not to think of the possibilities now; Commodus would be enough of a challenge without being distracted by _what might have been._Too, his head was spinning far too rapidly to bother trying to assimilate any information.

He pushed it all aside, concentrating on not what had been or could be, but on the moment – perhaps his last moment.Commodus, the forever-spoiled prince, was still gazing at him unreadably… what did he want?Was he merely here to witness Maximus' death, or was there something more?He could only find out with patience, never one of his most favored courses of action, especially around Commodus and especially recently.The man had killed his family and destroyed everything Maximus had ever believed in – including Rome… and Marcus.Marcus Aurelius, the only father Maximus had ever really known and the one man he would have followed to the ends of the earth and beyond._Marcus… _the bastard had killed him.

"What do you want?" Maximus snarled.

Commodus smiled innocently."I have an offer for you," he said.

_Shove your offer._"I don't want anything from you."

"Really?"Commodus moved forward, and general fought the urge to strangle him on the spot.The only thing stopping him was the knowledge that he'd never succeed – and yet, somehow, honor.Once again; _strength and honor_.Now it meant something to him again, something more than mere words.He was finally and truly himself again, although it had taken failure to bring the final change.

He glared, but did not reply.Did Commodus not understand the depth of the hatred Maximus had for him?If not that, then at least his defiance?The general cared not for what the emperor wanted.Not this emperor, anyway.

"I think I have an offer that you can't refuse," the brat continued.

"Then you do not know me as well as you think," Maximus replied flatly.

"Are you so sure?"Caesar's voice came gently.Maximus did not bother to reply; he only stared at Commodus' unfazed arrogance."I want you to serve me."

The general scoffed."Never."There was nothing in the world that could make him serve Commodus.

"You still have someone dear to you," the emperor whispered.

Maximus' eyes widened, then narrowed sharply as he glared at Commodus.Nothing in the world – except that.Except his love for Lucilla… The man was not a fool after all.

"Oh, yes," Caesar went on."I know you love her.And I know she loves you.She weeps for you, you know."

"What are you getting at?" he asked angrily, all too afraid of where this was leading.

"You will serve me to save her life."

"You would kill your own sister?" Maximus asked incredulously.

"If you force me to."The answer was cold, and forced Maximus to do some immediate soul-searching.He closed his eyes briefly.Could he do this – betray everything he had ever believed in – to save his love?To save Lucilla, whom he had always loved more than life itself?Maximus would sacrifice his life for hers without hesitation, but could he sacrifice another's?And another's?How many would die if he served Commodus?Would it be worth the price?

His eyes popped open."No."

"No?" Commodus questioned, unperturbed.

His face hardened as he focused on the Coliseum's far wall, almost unable to face what he was about to do.He would never be able to live with himself, but Rome and honor demanded that he not give in.Some things were far too precious to give.Maximus knew he could doom Rome by "serving" her."No," he repeated.

"_'No'_…" Commodus echoed thoughtfully in his ear."'No'.Then tell me… do you not remember how your family died?Burned and crucified while still alive… Your wife ravaged again, and again…"

Immediately, the anger and control vanished.Maximus closed his eyes in pain, the memories welling up from his soul's dark recess in which they'd been kept."I remember," he whispered with difficulty.

"And would you like that to happen to her?"

"No."His eyes flew open and he glared at the wall again.

"I will do it," Caesar said levelly, and Maximus had no doubt.

He felt his heart break."I know."

"And still you refuse me?" the emperor asked quietly."I wonder; how much will I have to put her through…?

The gladiators stood distant in their cells, watching the confrontation with expectant eyes.They could not hear, but it was of no matter.Surely Maximus and the emperor were having yet another clash; this one was only taking place far from the eyes of the crowd.The gladiators and prisoners – Senator Gracchus included – were the only spectators for this match.To a man, they cheered silently for Maximus, knowing that he would win, no matter what the price.Even now, he was facing down the emperor angrily – one could tell that from his tense posture, even though they could only see his silhouette – and doing things that no other man dared to dream of.So they watched, and waited, for the final victory.

Quintus Magnus watched his old friend's face turn from merely pained to absolutely tortured.The praetorian commander was the only man close enough to hear his emperor's threatening whispers and the only man close enough to know what he really meant.The outer façade of the gracious emperor was a complete fraud; Commodus was playing with fire without getting burnt.Quintus had never condoned what the praetorians had done to Maximus' family – it disgusted him and mocked all he'd spent his life fighting for.If he had known what the praetorians Commodus had deployed in the late hours of that night had been told to do, he might never have sided with the heir apparent in the first place.Those had been Commodus' sick orders, not his.He could never have condemned Maximus' family to that.

Obviously, though, Commodus had – and could do it again.Would do it again.Maximus, too, knew it – and that was why the general looked so tortured.His duty to Rome was clear, for no one would be able to oppose Commodus if he had Maximus for his general, but his love for Lucilla was plain on his face.Quintus had long known that the princess was in league with her father's general (just as he had, long ago, known they were lovers) but he had been unaware of the rekindled feelings between them.However, that didn't mean he wanted to stand by for this.But he had no choice.Any action on his part would only get them both killed.

"How long will it take before you understand?" Commodus was saying.

Maximus' face contorted further in pain, and Quintus knew what a toll this was taking on his general."She has nothing to do with this," he finally responded.

"Oh, but she does.She means everything to you."

The general remained silent, his eyes focused just past Quintus on the far wall, but the praetorian saw uncertainty begin to enter his face.To Maximus, this was far worse than anything the emperor could do to him – Quintus knew that he was a deeply compassionate man, given to care until death.After he had lost so much, the threat of sacrificing all that remained to him must have been unendurable.

"Lucilla may be my sister, Maximus, but I will spare her no pain," Commodus explained cruelly."I will do to her ten times what was done to your wife… and at the end, before she dies, I will tell her that you were too cowardly to save her."

Maximus' eyes filled with unshed tears.

"But I will not kill her quickly," Caesar continued."It will take a long, long time – all because of you."

The pained eyes shut momentarily, and one tear quietly slipped down his cheek as they opened.It was obvious that Maximus could not bear this.When he finally spoke, his tone told of agonized decision."_No_."

Quintus recoiled in shock; how the man still held out was beyond him.His pain was obvious in that one tear, for Quintus had never seen Maximus so close to losing control.He had always been a deeply private man who kept his feelings to himself.Deep emotion was rare from Maximus, and in the sixteen years they had known each other, Quintus had never once seen him even approach tears.

"You would refuse?"Commodus pressed on, clearly sensing that he was getting close.

"Yes," Maximus replied flatly.

Anger sharpened Caesar's tone, but he kept quiet.No one was supposed to overhear this.No one would know how far he would go to get what he wanted."You would put her through that?" he demanded.

Maximus answered quickly, "_No_!" 

"But you will by refusing. Don't you know that?" the emperor pressed.

"I know."His voice cracked in the barely audible whisper.

"So you will condemn her to torture and pain."Commodus mocked him."You, who claim to love her."Maximus refused to reply, staring again at the wall, tears still in his eyes and agony ripping though his heart.His love, which had seemed like a gift only minutes before, was now tearing him apart.He could not bear letting that happen to her."I think, then, that I will enjoy it… Though I am sure that Lucilla won't…"

The general blinked the tears back._Lucilla… _

"I will make sure that you can hear her screams.I will make sure that it never seems to end.And I will make sure that she knows it is your fault and hates you for it by the time I am done…"__

His heart shattered as the monster continued."You know she will break," Commodus said conversationally."She is not strong enough to endure it, not what I will do.And even if she begs and pleads, I will not stop.Nothing will make me stop until she is dead.But she won't die for a long time.Weeks, months, perhaps…I wonder; how long will it take?"

Maximus closed his eyes one more time, trying to keep the pain inside.This was beyond what he thought even Commodus would do, but he had no doubt in his mind.If he refused, Lucilla would pay… and pay dearly.There was really nothing he could do to save her pain.There was no question about his decision now.There was nothing else he could do, no other path to take.He opened his eyes and focused on the wall once more, just for a moment, just to make sure.But there was no other choice.

Maximus dropped to one knee at Commodus' feet.

Senator Gracchus drew back in shock.The defiant, heroic general had just submitted to that _monster_ that had been proclaimed Caesar.How could such a terrible twist of fate have taken place?Maximus was a living, breathing, alternative to Commodus, a reminder of all that Rome once was!He was the only hope thousands of people had.He was all their dreams, _alive_!And now he had given in.He had just given Commodus Aurelius his allegiance.

_For what?_Gracchus thought bitterly._A pardon?And I thought he believed.I thought he would die for Rome._

_Boy was I wrong._The senator fumed.He was to be executed for conspiring with this man against the emperor, and the damn general had just sworn allegiance to the very same corrupt emperor that they were trying to dethrone!In his heart, Gracchus recognized what an astute move it was for Commodus to make.Now no one would stand a chance against him, especially with Maximus' popularity working in his favor.The old man shook his head.Now all hope was gone.

Juba frowned slightly.He had, of course, grown to the point that very little could surprise him – his association with Maximus highlighted _that_ – but the present circumstances defied comprehension.Although he was unsure of the exact significance of his friend's actions, he knew that something was dreadfully wrong.Maximus hated Commodus more than Juba had ever seen anyone hate another – sure, it was a quiet, hurt hatred, but it was furious all the same.The general's control had been all that stood between the world and a white-hot temper.But now… now what?What had he done, and, more importantly, what did it mean?Perhaps, though, the most important question was why.


	2. To Best Serve Rome

You Have to Decide…

**Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind**

# PART TWO: TO BEST SERVE ROME

Maximus sank wearily onto an all too soft couch and closed his eyes with inner torment.This was all so _wrong._In his heart, he knew what he had done, the chances he'd refused, and all the lives he'd ruined.What now of honor, which had seemed to mean something only an hour before?What of love, which had seemed priceless and free?What of Rome, which he'd served all his life, winning honor after honor in battle?He was worth of none of them now.

Like a never-ending stage tragedy caught in its own loop, the scene from the Coliseum floor played over and over again in his mind.The crowd had been roaring, expecting the final confrontation between the gladiator and the emperor that would conclude the struggle between them and decide Rome's fate.Instead, Commodus had greeted them with the lie that _it had all been entertainment_.All along, the emperor said, Maximus had been serving him.The defiance was all an act to entertain the mob.None of his sacrifices had been made.None of his previous life and choices had cost him what they had.It was all entertainment.

And the mob fell for it.They believed their "benevolent" emperor, who had threatened his own sister to gain the service of the one man who had sworn revenge upon him.Rome believed that Maximus was a good actor rather than the most loyal officer Marcus Aurelius had ever known.In a way, now that lie had become truth, anyway.He'd betrayed not only himself and Rome – Maximus had betrayed Marcus Aurelius' trust, his life, and his dreams.In one movement, Maximus had thrown away his entire life's work and had decided to live a lie.

And what a lie… There was nothing left for him now.

Quintus Magnus felt a brick forming in his stomach as he walked down the palace halls.Part of him was thankful that he was serving under his old general again – for no one could deny the utter tactical genius that Maximus Decimus Meridius possessed or the fact that he had never once lost a battle – but the rest of him could be called, at best, distraught.What he had witnessed an hour before had been beyond the pale.He couldn't believe Commodus had done _that._What, then, of Rome?

Originally, his choice to follow Commodus had been made for the good of Rome; or so he thought, anyway.Now, though he knew the error of his ways, Quintus could do nothing to change it.For a moment it had seemed as if the fates would intervene and give Maximus a chance, but then Lucilla's timely betrayal had ruined that.His heart wept for his old friend and comrade – life had a way of dealing him the worst of hands.Maximus' fabled luck had never been anything other than pure courage and raw skill, and his heart and loyalty had never failed – until now; and Quintus knew the damage that must have been done to his friend.That was why he was moving swiftly down the corridor to the quarters Maximus had been assigned.

He knocked quietly, but there was no answer.Again, he tried, louder, but there was still no reply.A third effort and several moments' worth of patience yielded nothing as well.Finally, with a feeling that something was terribly wrong, Quintus tried the door.It was unlocked, so he threw good manners to the wind and entered the empty anteroom.Eerie silence filled the chambers as the door sung noisily shut behind the praetorian; he felt as if he had entered a tomb, which surely would have befitted Maximus' dark mood if the general were anywhere in sight.However, there was no sign of the great man.

Several feet away, on a small round table, Quintus spotted a lone white piece of parchment.Curiosity got the better of good sense, and he moved over to retrieve it, wondering all the while if it was right to do so.Only one word adorned the outside of the unsealed scroll: _Lucilla._Heart suddenly thundering in dread, Quintus quickly unrolled the letter and read.

_ _

_Lucilla,_

_I am sorry that could not be what you needed me to be.I have failed you, your father's dream, and, most importantly of all, Rome.I cannot begin to say how ashamed I am to have done this.I am so sorry to have failed you._

_It was a good dream, while it lasted.I can only regret that I had not the courage to see it through.I hope that someday your son will have the strength to do what I could not.Forgive me for all I did and did not do.Farewell._

_Love,_

# _Maximus_

Upon seeing that last word – _"Farewell"_ – there was no question in Quintus' mind what his old friend's intentions were.Instantly, he raced forward into the bedchamber and threw the doors aside.There he found Maximus, on his knees in prayer but alerted and already spinning toward the intrusion, his left hand flying toward the unsheathed sword at his side.Barely dried tears glistened on the general's cheeks, but unchecked fury danced across his face in stark contrast.Without waiting for an explanation – or giving Maximus a chance to use the blade in his intended manner – Quintus tackled his old friend to the floor and wrestled the blade away.A well-timed elbow to the jaw almost forced him to release his prize, but the praetorian hung on doggedly.He'd not let this happen… He'd already failed to do enough.

Maximus struck again, but Quintus hung on and twisted away, sinking a fist into his old friend's ribcage in retaliation.Not until he heard the restrained gasp and felt Maximus roll away did the praetorian realize what he had done.Before he could apologize, however, the general was on his feet, clearly furious and ignoring his own pains.

"You have a purpose for coming in here?" Maximus demanded angrily, his stance and face giving away none of his pain even as his short, gasping breaths betrayed it.

"You have a purpose for having this?" Quintus shot back, gesturing wildly with the gladius and praying that the answer was anything other than what he knew it had to be._Please let me be wrong,_ he wished futilely._Please let it be anything other than this!_When Maximus failed to reply, he went on furiously."You were going to commit suicide, weren't you?"

The general's anger dissipated as quickly as it had risen."What does it matter?" he asked quietly, his voice bitter.

"You were going to kill yourself, Maximus!" Quintus still couldn't believe it.

The challenge was only half-hearted; the formerly strong man looked so torn."So?" 

"I can't believe you'd do this – You can't do this – " Quintus was cut off.

"Why not?" the general demanded bitterly, his eyes empty of all the defiance the world had always seen there."I have betrayed everything I ever held dear by serving him!I have left nothing to lose."

The praetorian gaped at his old friend.What had changed within him during the past few hours?Everything that was anything inside Maximus had always been about strength, honor, and victory against all odds – or was that it?_Strength._Obviously that had foundered under the strain the general endured, and even though Quintus had always seen his strength as limitless, he now realized that the man was only human._Honor._Maximus had betrayed _everything he had ever held dear_ by submitting to Commodus.Could he see death and suicide as the only honorable way out?And finally, _victory._Was it that Maximus thought the only way to defeat Commodus was to deny him his prize in the only way left open to him?Quintus' heart contracted under the pressure of his own logic.How could he refute reasons that he might someday be tempted to take as his own?

Despite that, he had to try."You are too important to Rome…" he began, but Maximus cut him off angrily once more.

"Important to Rome?" the general snarled."All I have done is given her people false hope and then taken it away.I can serve Rome best dead!"

Panic rose hot within Quintus."No!" he snapped."That's not the answer!You are the only hope that many people have left!You are a symbol of all that Rome should be."

"What does it matter if Rome is not?" Maximus countered painfully.He clearly did not want to live with the choice he had made, and Quintus wasn't sure if he could change the man's ever-so-stubborn mind.

"They need you, Maximus," the praetorian pleaded.

"'Need me,'" the general echoed doubtfully, with a hint of sarcasm lacing his voice.When his hard, hurt eyes focused on Quintus, it was as if Maximus were daring him to disagree."They need a man who has betrayed everything he ever stood for, including them?I think not."

"They need the man who could save Rome!"With all his heart, Quintus knew his words were true – the only problem as convincing his old friend of that.

"Save her?I've doomed her, and you know it!"Maximus stalked up to Quintus and glared straight into his eyes.The fury of his gaze almost made the praetorian flinch, but he had come too far for that."It's not a flight of ego to say that no one can stand against Commodus now, Quintus," he said harshly."I know what I've done, and I'll not live with it."

"So you'll run from it."

The general rose to the challenge with a hint of the old defiance flashing for but an instant."I will do the right thing."

"For Rome," the praetorian commander said sarcastically, hoping that another tact might have more effect than the first, but not betting on it.

"Yes, for Rome," Maximus snarled.

"Then why didn't you say no in the first place?" Quintus demanded, inwardly praying for forgiveness for what he was about to do.

Maximus recoiled as if struck, and Quintus instantly regretted his cruelty when he heard the pain in his friend's voice."You know damn well I couldn't do that."

_Finally, he begins to see_… Regrets aside, now that he was making progress, the praetorian couldn't afford to be kind.If the only way to get Maximus' attention was to hurt him, then so be it."Then why did you try?" he demanded.

"You know the answer to that!" the general snapped.

"For Rome," Quintus said pointedly."But then you gave up."

Regret and agony washed over Maximus' face, but this time anger did not quickly replace them.He was silent for a long moment before speaking, just staring at the praetorian with a betrayed look.It was then that Quintus understood his mistake."And you tell me, Quintus," he said quietly."Could you have sacrificed someone you love, even for Rome?And could you have done it when you have already lost everything else?

"When you have figured that out, you tell me if I did the wrong thing."The general swallowed his emotion back, but bitterness succeeded in worming its way into his voice."And then you tell me if there is another way to end this."

Silence reigned for a long moment; Quintus could not and would not find an answer to that.He had not forgotten how much Maximus had sacrificed for Rome or how much he had lost, but somehow that did not seem to be a part of this… How could he have been so cruel as to expect anything less from this man?There was only one honorable way out of this; the problem was that it would harm Rome far more than already had been done.

"Fight him," the praetorian finally whispered.There was nothing else to do, other than to wish that somehow the fates might intervene.

Maximus met his gaze openly without hiding his pain."How, without sacrificing the one person I have left to love?"

"Anything other than this," Quintus pleaded."There has to be another way.Something will present itself."

"Will it?" Maximus whispered.

"You have to give it the chance."Almost holding his breath in anticipation, Quintus awaited the inevitable – would Maximus chose or chose not to continue on?

"And how many more lives will I sacrifice to wait?" the general wondered quietly, a faraway look in his eyes."'How many more will have to die before I see…?I care not for my own life, but what of them I touch?'Marcus said that to me once, Quintus.I never understood what he meant until now.My own life is nothing.It is them I worry about."He nodded toward the window and the crowds milling below.

"What of them if you do die?" Quintus asked reasonably, his heart aching for his friend.Was there truly any reason why anyone should tell Maximus to live?"What of hope?"

Maximus looked at him sadly for a moment, then tore his gaze away."Hope," he echoed, sinking into a chair wearily."I'm not sure I remember that now… But what do I have to lose?"His eyes found Quintus once more, still hurt but lacking any real emotion."You can go now.I'll not take my own life.You have my word."

Wordlessly, Quintus nodded and turned to leave.Before he reached the door, however, he turned back again, wishing somehow to say something meaningful, something worthwhile in tribute to Maximus' strength.But the resigned look on his friend's face made him leave with only one last glance at the man he would die to serve.

There had once been a dream that was Rome… now he only wondered if it lived or if it died with his friend.


	3. Shattered Dreams

You Have to Decide… 

## **Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind******

## ** **

## **PART THREE: shattered dreams**

Liva Tullus increased her pace nervously as she skirted the third-to-last corner before home.As the year grew older, the days were growing shorter and the nights longer; thus when she lost track of time at her friend Julia Caius' home, she found there was little daylight remaining and even less time.It wasn't just that she was in a hurry, for Liva had no appointments to keep, but she lengthened her stride even more.Rome was simply a bad place to be at night these days.

She'd often heard her father – a prosperous merchantman of the equestrian class – speak of it with disgust – Rome used to be the safest city in the empire, he'd claim.Rome was the light of a brilliant, peaceful, empire.Or rather, it used to be, he said – before it all went to Hades.Before Commodus Aurelius.

Rome was once a happy city where people were treated fairly by the government and even given a free grain dole because the emperors understood how hard it was to feed one's family these days.There were public festivals held often for all to participate in, even freedmen and slaves.Everyone reaped the profits of the Empire's power, before Commodus.

It had all started off well enough – 150 days of games, free for all to attend!The populace loved their young emperor immediately.They viewed him as a worthy successor to his great father, Marcus Aurelius.Commodus even spent _more_ time in the city and showered his people with the love and entertainment they deserved.Sure, there were more Praetorians in the streets, but that was just for the people's protection.Few noticed that the economy was suffering, that education was dropping, that influential people disappeared for no reason at all.None of that mattered; the games were on, and they loved their benevolent emperor for the shows he displayed.

Then a true hero emerged from the darkness and gave the people more than just perspective – he gave them hope.At once, that mystery gladiator, "Maximus," showed the people of Rome how wrong things were – and how right they could be.They'd said he'd been a great general of Marcus Aurelius (the best emperor of people's memory) and that he'd been unjustly condemned without trial to slavery and the arena.His story inspired people, and his heroic defiance of the young emperor – who seemed more and more cruel everyday – electrified the city.

He was greater than the gods, many said.Maximus would never die, and never lose.More importantly, he would never stop fighting the emperor, and that was something that the people finally understood _must_ be done.He gave them hope and they loved him for it…Until the ninth day of Antioch dawned as the sixty-ninth day of the games.Until the day that General Maximus _returned_ to serving the emperor.Then the entire world had just collapsed.Rome had once been a bright, hopeful light in the world.She had once been great, and safe.She had once held hope.

Now the city was just a bad place to be at night.

Shuddering, Liva glanced nervously over her shoulder.There was no one there, but she felt eyes upon her.Rome was definitely not what she once was, or even what she had been two years ago, prior to Marcus Aurelius' death.The young woman was not particularly interested in politics of the empire, but she knew that there was more trouble now than there had been in years.Wars were brewing to both the north and the east, and it was rumored that Rome had even invaded some out of the way barbarian country named Austria.She didn't particularly care, but her father was adamant in that –

There it was again!A footfall – subtle and quiet, but still heard – sounded behind her, not too far away.Shivering in a sudden gust of wind – or was it her imagination? – Liva turned the next corner.Two more streets and she'd be home, not having to worry about who might or might not be following her through the now-dark streets.Half the old street lamps were out, she noticed, then barely avoided falling into a pothole in the street that the shadows conspired to hide.Rome was really falling into disrepair.

Another shiver rolled down her spine, but this time the thirteen-year-old girl knew it wasn't from the night's chill.Footsteps were coming steadily, now from before her rather than behind, but something told her that this wasn't right…

The last corner came into sight._Almost home_, she thought, furiously promising herself never to stay out past dark again._Almost –_

"Hello, there, pretty," a voice suddenly cooed, making her jump in fright.Oh, it was just a praetorian.He probably thought she was lost.

"Hi," she said uneasily, trying to skirt his still-dark form and make her way home.But for some reason, he moved to block her path.

"And where might you be going?" the man asked."This is a bad time for a young lady like yourself to be out."

"Ahhhhh…." She stumbled over the words for a moment, then found her voice."Yes, sir, it is," Liva agreed."I'm just going home now."

He chuckled slightly, his rumbling voice deep."Well, since you are out, perhaps you would like to spend some time with my friends and I."

_Friends?_Liva's eyes widened.She had not noticed the rest of them, but sure enough, there were four other men emerging from the shadows… One from behind her as well."My _tata _is really expecting me home," she stuttered.

The men laughed, but her interrogator only smiled.He wasn't a bad looking man, maybe, she realized, only a good deal older than herself."No husband?" he asked casually.

"No," Liva frowned.What did that have to do with anything?  
"So you're a virgin?" the man asked bluntly.

Mouth dangling open in shock, Liva could only stare at him.What kind of question was _that_?Finally, she found her voice."I have to go now."

As she tried to pass, one of the men grinned."I'll take that as a yes," he laughed, then suddenly hands were reaching out to grab her.

"How far are they now?"

"Still several days march," Quintus replied, quickly consulting his hard-to-read scribbling."They are being sneaky, but not subtle enough."

Lost in the map before him, Maximus only nodded in response.There was little left to him now, but if he closed his eyes and forgot, he could almost believe that they were back in Germania, planning yet another campaign in Marcus Aurelius' name.He could almost pretend that he wasn't committing his own worst nightmare every day.In his dreams, he had never made the horrid mistakes that had doomed him and so many others."Force strength."

"Theirs' – about 34,000, give or take a few.Us – First through Fourth Felix Legions are on their way; the First, Second, Fifth and Eighth Praetorian are here now.We'll outnumber them easily," Quintus concluded.

Maximus restrained the comment his old friend's confidence so richly deserved.Only time could tell the odds, truly; however, he had no intention of letting time rule him."How long until the Felix gets here?"

"It's hard to tell," the other general admitted."Valerius has them pushing a speed march to get here from the north.It'll be close, but, conceivably, the barbarians can beat them here.I doubt it, though."

Only half-listening – his attention rather fully focused on the unseen faces of his enemy – Maximus mumbled, "Why's that?"

"They're a barbarian army, Maximus," Quintus pointed out."They'd be lucky to all get here at the same time, let alone at speed."

The general finally looked up from the map of Rome and her surrounding countryside.The backbone of a plan was starting to form in his mind, but it wasn't one he liked very much.Of course, the ideal plan would be one that endangered his favorite emperor just enough to get him killed, but Maximus was an honorable man, always and damn the consequences.He'd not harm the citizens of Rome just to have his revenge or to relieve himself of the burdens he still carried.Besides, there was too much else to risk.Victory was his only option – and _that_ had been made painfully clear to him.

"In any other circumstances, Quintus, I'd agree with you," he said quietly."But not with this army.The Austrians are a little less 'barbaric' than the barbarians we are used to battling.They will be more organized."

"We're going to have eight legions," the other said dubiously.

"Yes…" Maximus mused, memories and experiences flashing before his eyes."Numbers don't mean everything.I thought you knew that."

Quintus laughed."The other side doesn't have you," he said.

_And nor will you always, my friend, so watch yourself and learn while you can_, the general thought to himself.Still, Quintus had a point – a good point.The Felix would be there and ready to fight.Were his men under the command of any other than Valerius Thrasius, he would have doubted everything; however, no pupil of Maximus' would ever consider missing a battle.They would outrace the Austrians; not because the enemy was barbarians, but because the Felix Legions were the best trained army in the world.As for the battle – well, again, the Felix were the best in the world, and Maximus Meridius had no intention of losing even though the odds were stacked against him in the worst possible of ways.

"The other side doesn't have their backs against a wall," Maximus finally retorted crossly.There was so much about this battle not to like, and Commodus breathing down his neck was just one of the many.Damn it to all hell; Maximus was under direct orders to fuck his men over and therefore, make the enemy's job just that much easier because Commodus was too chicken to let _his_ army advance a few miles beyond Rome._Coward_, Maximus thought, not for the first time.Really, he was unsurprised – after all, his very first meeting with Commodus, oh so long ago, had reeked of treachery, so why should any other not?It was the emperor's nature, and his way.He knew not how to trust, or, for that matter, how to run an empire.For him it was all about power.

And thus, to protect that power, he couldn't bear to let Maximus out of his sight.Unfortunately, Commodus was no fool and could clearly see the threat the general posed to his throne.However, the ass was blind to the fact that Maximus cared far too much about Lucilla to defy him.But that wasn't all – Maximus was far too loyal to Rome to betray _her._He wouldn't lose the city.It wasn't only because he had never lost a battle.It wasn't only because he had no intention of ever doing so.It was because Rome was the only part of Marcus Aurelius' dream that he had left to protect, and he had already failed in too much.From the moment he had learned of the Austrians' march on the city, he had vowed to himself that _it ends here._And thus it would.

Blinking the tears out of his eyes, Marcellus Tullus knelt by his dead sister's side.They'd found her early that morning, the Praetorian Guard, sorely used and hours' dead.Their leader, Albinus, had solemnly promised to find her killers, but Marcellus had seen the predatory gleam in the officer's eyes.He already knew who did it.Chances are, it had been some of his men.

_What a waste_, Marcellus lamented inwardly.His beautiful baby sister, always so kind and so cheerful, dead at thirteen.Dead.He still couldn't quite believe it…

He nodded numbly to whatever the praetorian captain was saying.It didn't matter.None of it mattered.Liva was dead.

Desiree Hamilton groaned quietly as she stared at the map.Most people would have called her crazy for what she was about to do, but she really had no choice. Her people were dying, and, woman or no, she wasn't about to let that happen.She knew the world regarded her as an upstart, a woman who dared to rule a _country _by herself.They thought she was insane for even trying.And thus they thought she'd fail, and already counted Austria, her home and pride and joy, among the weak countries to be conquered.Well, she'd show them just how wrong that idea was.She'd been invaded, and that left her no choice.On the march her army went, and traveled quickly – Desiree was no fool, and had studied the art of warfare.She didn't fight to lose.Still, nothing was ever easy, and this would be no exception.

Rome, no matter how she seemed to be failing to an observer, was still the most arduous of opponents.The city wasn't impregnable, but it was damn near close. The Empire's armies had always completed that image because no opposing army could ever get close enough to the city to see it, let alone attack it.There were cohorts upon cohorts at the city's beck and call at any moment – Praetorians, auxiliaries, or, worse yet, legions. They were always there to stop anyone before they got close enough to even _think _about storming the greatest city on earth.The funny part was that whoever was in charge of the city's defenses wasn't using them.

There was no one between her and Rome.Just the praetorians in the city.Nothing more.Either the general was an idiot, or it was a trap.And as Desiree well knew, Roman generals weren't stupid.It had to be a trap.

"Maximus…"

Instinct ruled his actions; the knife whipped up as his left hand snaked out.A warning sense flashed on as his knuckles contacted not with cloth as he'd expected but with armor, and the general's eyes flew open even as his blade found the other man's throat, which, he half-foggily noticed, was inordinately unshaven and hairy."Valerius!" he exclaimed in surprise.

The burly infantryman grinned, shifting carefully away from his commander's habitually violent awakening; he, of course, had been with Maximus for years and was well accustomed to this treatment."The First through Fourth Felix Legions are at your command, General," he said victoriously.

For a moment, Maximus dared to answer the grin; for a moment, he was again the commander of the finest army in the world, nothing else; for a moment, he didn't feel quite so trapped or cornered by Commodus' threats and a daring barbarian's tenacity… But the feeling vanished quickly enough, replaced easily by slight but masked confusion.Even providing that Valerius had pushed the Felix Legions to the limit, if Maximus' information was correct, they should not have arrived for another two days.He frowned slightly as his now fully awake mind digested the incongruences.

"How did you get here so quickly?" the general asked, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and grabbing a nearby robe.He did not bother to call for his new manservant, Sejanus; the boy was a good kid, but he tended to run his mouth a lot, and letting him overhear sensitive conversations probably wasn't good for anyone's heath, Sejanus' included._Let him sleep_.

"Speed march," Valerius grunted and followed his old general's lead into the anteroom, where he, without waiting for an invitation, dropped wearily into a nearby chair.Maximus merely smiled indulgently; he and Valerius shared a friendship long enough – truth be told, it was over ten years' worth – that manners only got in the way.

Pouring both himself and his infantry commander a short glass of watered wine, the general seated himself carefully."That fast?"

One bush black eyebrow quirked in understanding.Even the Felix wasn't usually that good."All I had to was tell the men that it was for you."

Warm pride and shame combined at once rushed through Maximus' heart.His men's loyalty touched him completely to the depths of his soul, but it was something he no longer deserved.It was something of times past…But it kept cropping up, and sometimes made the pressure unbearable."For Rome, Valerius," he snapped."Not for me."

The other man retreated slightly before the unexpected onslaught, his eyebrows quirking slightly in astonishment."Rome is a distant vision to these men, General," he said quietly."You are, at the very least, a symbol they can fight for."

His harsh reply drowned under the bile forming in Maximus' throat.It had always been frightening, the way his men had loved him, but then he'd felt that he had worked for every moment of it.Maximus had thrown his heart and soul into his army, and had been given the same in return… in a way, that was a rewarding feeling, then.But what of now?Now he had done nothing to deserve their continued loyalty, so why did he have it?Oh, yes, he had always known that it still existed – _let my men see me alive and you will see where their loyalties lie – _but being confronted with their selfless love was far different.And unnerving.

Unable to face himself, let alone Valerius' words, he quietly changed the subject, unaware of how his pent-up emotions played across his face."Are they here?"

"Six miles north of the city," the infantryman replied, his look questioning his general's sudden change in attitude, but not daring to ask.He clearly did not understand, but Maximus was in no mood to explain.

Nodding, he took a deep breath to give himself a moment to consider his options.The problem was that he really didn't have any."Bring them in," he ordered.I want a camp one mile away from the city."

Both eyebrows rose high this time."Sir?"

Maximus sighed tiredly.He knew how his officer felt."You heard me, Colonel," he said softly, wishing his old friend could understand but knowing he never would.

Surprisingly enough, Valerius nodded, not asking the inevitable questions Maximus had been sure he would.Perhaps his old friend did know him better than he thought…

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" her second-in-command asked uneasily."It's not too late to turn back."

Desiree sighed patiently."It's been too late ever since we crossed the Roman border, Ada," she explained for the millionth time."If we turn back now, everything our people have died for is nothing.It just proves that we are the barbarians they think we are and that we are afraid of Roman might."

Ada turned to her general, brown eyes flashing and black hair flying loose.If it hadn't been for the grotesque scar marring the right side of her face, Desiree knew her friend would have been considered quiet beautiful by any man.Of course, the fact that Ada would just as soon murder a man as kiss one was irrelevant… but she, too, had started life as a mercenary.That tended to color one's perception about the opposite sex, especially if you were female.

"I'm not saying we can't do this, Desiree, but you know it has never been done."

The general smiled."No, it has," she replied."Just not in a long time.But those that did succeed – the Gauls – were less organized than we are.They were untrained, just as every army that Rome faces is.All of Rome's opponents are inept, Ada," Desiree pointed out."Now we get to see what happens when they're not."

"Inept?" Ada challenged."What about Parthia?"

"All right, I surrender that point," she admitted."But unless I'm mistaken, the Parthian Empire still holds something like eight Roman Eagles?"

"Nine," Ada grumbled, seeing the point but clearly not liking it.Desiree understood, of course – Ada's self-appointed duty was to ensure that Desiree didn't succeed in getting herself killed.That was not quite the general's aim, of course, but when she was focused on a goal, self-preservation just tended to travel to the way back burner.

"You see?Rome is ill equipped to deal with a real threat.When they do, they struggle and sometimes even lose.That's what I'm counting on."

The Parthian woman groaned aloud."Desiree, what if they're more ready than you think?"

"Then we improvise."

One last try was made."This is crazy, and you know it!"

The general smiled."They said that having a queen was crazy, too, but that never stopped us," she reminded her best friend."Let's not let a little insanity put a stopper in this one either."

"So what will we do?" Ada finally relented.

"Win."

"You wanted to see me, Caesar?" Maximus asked formally, hands clasped tightly behind his back to keep them from traveling outwards on their own accord to strangle Commodus.He wanted nothing to do with this man, this _emperor_, who had destroyed his entire world and now forced him to take on a new one.The general avoided his liege as much as possible, for the fireworks would someday become inevitable, and Maximus did not know how long he could keep his hatred of this man inside.Every time he saw Marcus Aurelius' son, he thought of those who had died because of that little fiend's ambitions.And every time he saw the son his mind saw the daughter, whom he loved more than life and dared not touch.

Commodus did not even look up from his desk."Your army is rather close to the city, Maximus," he said evenly.

Biting back the suitable reply, the soldier hesitated for a long second, giving himself the chance to find control once more.Commands and orders he could abide – even from this man – but when Commodus tried to dictate how Maximus could run an army, he treaded a perilously thin line."You told me not to move more than four miles beyond the walls, Sire," he said more calmly than he though possible."And where my army is now is the most defensible position."

"My army," the emperor said absently.

"Caesar?" Maximus questioned cautiously.

"The army is mine, not yours.Including those precious Felix Legions," Commodus snapped suddenly.

Again, the general stopped the automatic reply."I was speaking figuratively, Sire," he said through tight lips.Maximus was feeling cornered, and it was feeling he despised utterly and completely.He felt like an animal trapped behind the bars of a golden cage, treated well yet beaten every now and then so that he remembered his place.

Commodus finally looked up. "Of course," he said pleasantly, smiling at _his _general.Maximus just locked his eyes on the wall over the seated man's head, afraid to meet his gaze lest the hatred he felt show through his eyes.

Suddenly the young emperor rose to stand before the general.When he spoke again, his voice was still outwardly pleasant, but Maximus still knew the underlying threats all too well."I just wanted to make sure that this isn't any ambition of yours," Commodus said smoothly."And that we're perfectly clear on the situation at hand."

Feeling his shoulders stiffen, Maximus immediately pictured Lucilla's face in his mind.He had once made a vow never to love again… and at times like this, he wished he'd stuck to it."Perfectly clear, Caesar," he replied tightly.

"Good… because we wouldn't want anyone to be hurt because of a mistake you made."

As happened at least once a day, Maximus felt his heart then rent."I am well aware of the consequences," he said softly.

Commodus smiled, and patted him on the shoulder, making the general yearn to shake the snake's touch off."I am glad for that.You're dismissed."

Turning on his heel, Maximus exited the room quickly; however, he could not move quickly enough to escape the walls of his cage closing in.

Lucilla lengthened her stride as she spotted her quarry in the distance.He was not going to avoid her this time… there was too much to be said, too much to be done.She understood why Maximus did not want to speak to her – her betrayal was obvious reason enough – but she had to talk to him.She had to tell him how sorry he was, and try to tell him that she did love him… For Lucilla's greatest fear was that he thought she'd been using him all along.How could she prove her love to Maximus when he would not even speak to her?

Taking a shortcut through a little known secret passageway – as a child she'd explored them all, but the general had no way to realize that any existed at all – the princess emerged again into the hallway, now ahead of Maximus, just on the other side of the corner he was turning.When he saw her, the general immediately began to change direction, trying to avoid her once again.Lucilla called desperately after him."Maximus, wait!" 

Although he stopped immediately, the princess could see from the tense set of his shoulders that the last thing in the world he wanted to do was talk to her.She hurried to catch up with him, all the while desperately trying to collect her thoughts and find someway to show how much she cared, and how very sorry she was.For a moment, just one small and brief moment, Lucilla allowed herself to grieve for _what might have been_ had she the strength to resist her brother for just long enough…_Enough of that, _she commanded herself firmly._He is here, and he is alive, and although I know not why, perhaps there is some way to salvage enough out of our love's ruins to cure the loneliness we both feel._

As she approached, words momentarily caught in her throat and Lucilla's mind blanked helplessly.Finally, her lips seemed to move of their own desperate accord."Tell me you know why I betrayed you."

His back still to her, Maximus' voice revealed nothing."Your son."

Frowning slightly, Lucilla stepped before him, but still their eyes did not meet.He seemed to be avoiding her, but why?Gently, she reached out to touch his arm."I am so sorry, Maximus."

Those hazel eyes flickered briefly to meet her own. Somehow, they seemed empty, compared to the fire she'd once known there."You do not need to apologize," the general said emotionlessly."I would have done the same."

"Would you have?" she whispered, wondering aloud.He was always so strong, always so undefeatable…

He glanced to the floor, to the wall, to anywhere but her eyes."Yes," Maximus replied shortly.

"I wonder…" Lucilla said quietly, not ready to believe that Maximus would ever be so weak.For him, Rome was more than just a dream…But his sudden sharp look warned her to change the subject."Why do you serve my brother?"

If possible, the look grew sharper still."I have my reasons," he replied flatly, the very same lack of emotion telling her not to touch that subject either, but Lucilla had to know.

"What of my father's dream?" she asked quietly, and was rewarded by a dagger to her heart as his eyes turned at once hurt and cold at the same time.But his gaze jumped away from hers almost immediately, giving Lucilla the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Finally, his eyes turned on her once again, cold as ice and hard as steel."Your father's dream is dead," Maximus said flatly.

Shocked, Lucilla made no move to stop him as he walked away.However, while she maintained a passive mien outwardly, inside her heart was churning.He said he did not blame her… yet she was no fool.Maximus clearly hated her, and her heart wept for him.He had lost so much, and now the princess had inadvertently added herself to the list.


	4. Strength and Honor

Robin Roberts

2001

[**www.felixlegions.com**][1]

You Have to Decide…

## **Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind******

## ** **

## **PART four: "Strength and honor"**

"Stand by."

Quietly given though it was, the order spread through the ranks like fire though a particularly dense and dry wood.Almost in tandem, the men of the Felix Legions straightened their backs and made one final check of their arms and armor.Mentally, they went over their duties one last time.The silence was pure, but not oppressive.Each knew that it was time.In any moment, the barbarian army would crest that hill and find Rome not so under defended as previously advertised.

The first standard topped the horizon, and a few veterans shifted on their feet, not from fear, but from anticipation.Here was the campaign they'd all been waiting for.Here was another chance to fight for their general – Rome be dammed.Rome was just an ideal to them, and most had never even stepped inside the walls they now defended.Nor, particularly did they care to do so, because it did not matter.They did not need to fight for Rome.They had their general.What else could an army need?

Maximus glanced over his right shoulder to where Valerius stood, unmounted, behind him.The burly colonel's eyes were locked on the Spaniard, but he smiled sheepishly when Maximus looked his way.A nod followed, then a real smile – a confident smile – lit the other man's face.He meant to reassure his general, and had no way to know that it could do no such thing.Unfortunately, Maximus reflected, Valerius had known him for far too long, and could tell that _something_ was wrong, even though he could not understand what.The infantryman only knew that nerves were not at question.Anything else, by the look on his face, was possible.

Digging deep within himself, Maximus forced a curt nod in reply, projecting confidence he did not really feel.Oh, he would win – heaven help his enemy at any time, for he never lost, even when his insides were torn to shreds – but his heart was no longer his own.Too much had happened for that.He had lost too much, and failed to do even more.This battle would be won by value of superior training and experience.Heart and soul didn't matter; besides, Maximus often found himself unsure he possessed either anymore.Regardless, victory was inevitable, even if the most alluring type would cause his death, which, at that point, was the best he could hope for – to save Rome and die trying.

"General?" Valerius asked quietly.There was a hint of anxiety in his voice, which made Maximus blink and notice that the smaller man had approached.For an instant, he found himself wishing for Quintus, who, like himself, had stood in this position a million times before – or it certainly seemed so, now – and would understand the last minute thoughts, responsibilities and worries.The two had fought side by side for so many years that Quintus knew never to interrupt.Maximus had not yet slept through a battle, after all.But Quintus, his old and trusted friend-turned-betrayer-turned-friend, was still inside the city walls with a nervous emperor.

"Wait," he replied, almost under his breath, not bothering to consider his one word reply.Betrayer of shattered dreams or not, Maximus' instincts were still the same, and he knew to _wait_ for the one perfect moment before engaging his enemy.Although he did understand his infantry commander's anxiousness – Valerius wanted to _go_ – it was not time yet.It just was not time yet.

"Yes, sir."And like a ghost, his subordinate retreated, confidence in his voice because he trusted his commander to do the right thing._And never to fail_, Maximus reminded himself._Gods, where do these men get their trust in me?What have I done to deserve this?I have betrayed everything we ever fought for, every dream I ever touched – _everything._I cannot lose here today just to spite Commodus, and I will not lie to myself; that has entered my mind.No, my victory must be for them, and thus I wait.Now I do have a reason to fight._

And that did make him feel better.Marginally.

Squinting in the sunlight, the general changed his focus to the incoming army, finally studying them once more.On they came, and with _confidence_.Oh, they were good, indeed.All the rumors of Desiree Hamilton, the woman who dared to rule and to fight, were then true.Small surprise, really, viewing the type of world they lived in – it bred strong people, men and women alike.Her army, too, was strong, and ready.He could tell by the way they moved, the way they marched with an eerie and entirely un-Roman precision.They were trained, motivated, and ready to fight.Undefeatable, against any enemy in the world, except one.

Unfortunately for them, the Felix Legions stood between Austria and Rome.

Desiree stared across the slowly shrinking open field at her enemy.On the surface, almost every advantage was hers – sure, she was encountering more resistance than she'd planned for, but that was really of little matter.The sun was at her back; her army was trained and ready to roll.Nothing, not even the best army in the world, could stop her now.Especially if this was the only trap the Romans had laid.

_They really must be out of practice._

The distance was closing quickly now, but surprisingly enough, it was her troops narrowing the gap; the Roman legions arrayed before her stoodfast.Were they glued to their precious city's walls, perhaps?If so, this might become even easier than the General/Queen had thought.An enemy who boxed themselves in was always well on their way to defeat.What kind of idiot was in command here?

_Unless they've got something up their sleeve,_ she reminded herself sternly._Don't fall prey to overconfidence, girly.You're counting on _them_ to do that.Not you.You hear that?Not you!_

Silently, Desiree dissected the situation in her mind.Yes, they were Roman, which made them a difficult adversary.Yes, they were behaving rather abnormally, which made for a trap or for plain stupidity.Either was possible; Rome was as famous for throwing up idiots as it was for geniuses.No matter what the case, she would be ready for anything.Her battle plan was good but not infallible – no matter, any battle plan she'd ever meant always went straight to shit at first contact with the enemy, anyway – and her people were ready.There was nothing more she could ask, other than to pray to the gods for a little help, which she wouldn't bother with, since she knew they would not listen.

_Three hundred yards, and still they have not moved.That man either has nerves of solid rock or is more a fool than I thought.Not to worry, we'll find out soon enough._

The very temperature of the air seemed to be changing, and his men were beginning to shift restlessly with the breeze.They were used to waiting, of course, for Maximus never gave battle until the exact moment he chose to – _never let an enemy chose your battlefield! _he lectured his officers – but trained or no, it was never easy.Nerves were strung tight with the anticipation that mounted more and more with each passing second, yet the general did not move.He didn't even _twitch_.The youngest and least experienced amongst his men were surprised, but like the others, they just bought into the legend.Like the others, even the veterans thought their general oblivious to the stares of adulation they shot at his back.

And just like the others, they were wrong.

_Legends are so easy to believe in,_ Maximus thought to himself._They never lose.They never die.I'd believed in them once: two different legends, to be exact.One of a good emperor, the last good emperor, died in the Germanian winter.I never did stop believing in that legend, though, until I betrayed it._

And for the other?Oh, the other… That was of a man, undefeatable and unflinching.That was of the man who waits, ice cold and calm, until his enemy approaches, then fights with such fire and never gives in.Never gives in… Even I bought into that myth, and thought he could never lose.I saw what these poor, deluded soldiers think they still see.But that dream died, as well.That man died – or did he ever exist?I wish I knew who I am now, for if I'm not him, then who am I?

His life lay shattered in pieces at his feet.Had it been so simple for Commodus to tear it all down?The brat he'd sworn to fight, he'd now sworn to serve, and everything he had ever fought for was no only a worthless dream.It was all as worthless as he felt, now.Maximus had not felt unsure of himself in many years, until that fateful day in the Coliseum when his world was torn apart.

Heart and soul shattered, though, his mind was still intact.Dutifully as always, _it_ reported with that icy calm he no longer felt._Two hundred yards, and they'll charge.That means you only have seconds to act._Still he waited.How could he bear to pretend to be what he was no longer…?

_Get with it, Maximus!_

Almost on its own accord, his voice snapped strongly."Archers ready!"

The call echoed down his lines of troops, and for a moment, he could pretend nothing was wrong.He could pretend he wasn't fighting for the wrong dream."Catapults stand by!"

Again, confident voices echoed his own, and with a final forced effort, he pushed all his reoccurring doubts from his mind.No matter the guise, Rome was worth fighting for.Now it was all he had left.Behind him, Valerius gave the final word.

"Catapults and archers ready, sir."

He nodded, focusing now on nothing other than the advancing enemy.They were closing fast, but not charging yet.Once they charged, the game would be up…_Not yet,_ he thought furiously._Give me another ten or twenty yards, Hamilton.Just another few measly yards… Not yet…_

At just over two hundred yards, the Austrians let loose a terrific battle cry and rushed forward._Yes!Right there._

_"Standby!"_ he cried, glancing over his shoulder at his men.Oh, were they ready.They read the change in his tone and were like a coiled snake waiting to strike.It was time.

_"Loose!"_

Scato skittered slightly under him as the great weapons behind the general let fly with their weapons of destruction, and fire lit the already bright afternoon sky.Snorting, the chestnut stallion tossed his head and stared at the scorpion bolts flying overhead with wide eyes.Normally, Maximus did not keep his cavalry and infantry so closely joined, but today was a little different for two reasons: one, there was nowhere to hide the horses in the flat, treeless terrain; and two, if the rumors were true, Hamilton would have studied him anyway and known his tactic of choice.He hadn't left many enemies alive in his past, but Maximus would not stake a plan on them all being silent and dead.No, he would much rather adjust.

So adjust time it was.Time, it was._Now._

"Prepare for advance!" he ordered."Cavalry to the front, infantry to the rear!Triangle formation!"

The last command was for his cavalry regiment alone, and the men knew it.Even as Maximus urged Scato forward the necessary few yards, his men closed in behind him, forming a spearhead with their general as the tip.Meanwhile, the Austrians were rushing forward, oblivious to the deadly fire raining down on their heads and now a scant hundred yards away, almost on top of the Romans…

But the sword stabbed up, signaling the cavalry advance and nullifying the Austrian advantage.After only ten steps at the walk, Maximus urged Scato into a fast trot and his men followed suit.Behind them, the infantry units broke into a slow jog, not moving fast enough to keep up, but not falling too far back, either._Eighty yards_, his mind reported dispassionately.

_Seventy…Fifty._

_Forty._

_Now._

A touch of his heels pushed Scato into a hard gallop, and to his left rear, Festus, the Felix Regiment's senior centurion, did the same.Soon the best-trained cavalry unit in the world was bearing down on the Austrians – who surprisingly had the courage to keep on coming – at breakneck speed and with death in their eyes.Split seconds ate thirty-five yards into nothingness.

_"Roma Victor!"_ Maximus cried, bringing his sword down and becoming the first Roman to engage the enemy.He made contact with something or someone, either armor or bone, though it was impossible to tell when he was moving so quickly; to stop and look would be suicidal, in which case both he and his rambunctious stallion would die under the flashing hooves and swords of his own men, hard on the general's heels.Barely conscious of his actions, yet highly aware of his surroundings at the same time, Maximus slashed left and right, using his weight more than his reins to direct his horse.

All too soon, he had blown through the Austrian ranks and emerged from the other side onto the clean and clear Roman countryside.It took some extra distance to pull his excited stallion to a halt, but when he did, Maximus glanced over his shoulder to see how his army was faring.Wincing a bit to himself in sympathy, the general realized that at least one battle plan had gone to hell already that day.Initial courage aside, the Austrians had not tolerated a full-scale cavalry charge well at all.Even now, the front ranks were panicking and pushing back, except their countrymen in the rear were still pushing forward and boxing the shaken soldiers into the advancing Roman infantry.But disorganized though they were, the Austrians were fighting back.Among them was a _woman_ on a blood-splattered gray horse, shouting orders and fighting like the tiger born on her standard.

Only a fool wouldn't follow her.Desiree Hamilton's presence and charisma were obvious from a hundred yards away.And her men weren't fools.They were finding courage and fighting back.

"Festus!" Maximus bellowed.

Almost by magic, his old friend appeared by his side, someone else's blood darkening his already red hair.As usual, the other had somehow succeeded in losing his helmet while keeping his horse."General?"

Wheeling a dancing Scato in a circle to gain control, Maximus spoke even as he fought with his horse."Spread out," he ordered quickly."Straight line.Full cavalry charge."

The older man grinned madly in anticipation and yelled orders of his own.Like any true cavalryman, Festus loved the shock value of a horse.

Moments later, the Felix Regiment crashed back into the fray, howling and screaming to grab attention.Fearful heads swung in their direction, and the battle followed shortly as the Austrian army found itself outnumbered and sandwiched between the infantry and cavalry units of the best army in the world.There was clearly no way out, yet the Austrians fought on.One in particular – and Maximus met her, face to face, on the field.One look at her face told the general that Hamilton knew who he was – if not by name, at least by rank.

Immediately, her sword cut in on him, and by virtue of longer reach, almost struck, but quick reflexes and a kick to Scato's side saved Maximus' head.As his return cut was deflected agily and their blades began flying, the Roman realized that this queen or general – whichever she seemed to be – was indeed as talented and trained as her army.

Her problem, though, was that he was too.

And he could not afford to lose, no matter how tempting it might have been to spite Commodus that way.Honor meant more than that in the end, and so did Rome.It only took seconds for him to realize his advantages over her and use them.Experience could do such wonderful things – and so could confidence, because, at the moment, Maximus knew he was better than her.For one space in time, he found his old self on the field and used the man he once believed in.He found the general – not the gladiator, the slave, or the cornered man – the general.And that meant everything when the opponents were so closely matched.

Several moments useless sparing proved pointless, so Maximus took a chance, and, removing his left hand from the reins and hoping his skittish stallion could fend for himself – how he was wising for good old Argento now – he reached out and grabbed the Austrian woman's blade in his free hand and yanked _hard_.A snarled curse escaped her lips as he effectively stole it from her grasp, then her eyes grew wide as his sword swept in to finish her off.

It should have been over there.Under any other circumstances, the fight would have been, and Desiree Hamilton would have gone the way of so many other Roman enemies.But unfortunately, battle plans often go to shit over the most unexpected of things.Maximus knew that something always managed to get in the way.What he didn't expect it to be was his wolf.

Leaping and snarling right past Scato's pink nose, Skelton dove right into the lap of a hapless Austrian rider who had hoped to come to the aid of his Queen by killing the Roman general before the deathblow fell.The officer's horse went crazy, screaming, bolting, and bucking all at once; considering it had never seen a wolf before, the reaction was better than some Maximus had seen.In the end, it was a far better reaction than the one Scato gave when he saw the Austrian horse freak.

The high-spirited Andulusian stallion let out a squeal of his own as the other horse's hooves contacted with his side, barely missing Maximus' leg in the process.The stallion twisted away, bumped into Hamilton's horse – which merely skittered away – and reared.Maximus, caught unbalanced and with his hands free, made a desperate grab for the reins and dropped his sword in the process.His fingers entangled in the long hair of Scato's mane instead of the leather reins he had aimed for, which was better than nothing to hold onto but still bad because it left him no control.Desperately screaming at the horse in a strange mix of gutter Spanish and Imperial Latin, Maximus threw his weight forward onto Scato's neck in hopes that the dumb animal would get the clue.More angry than frightened – this certainly was not the first time Scato had done something this half-witted in battle – Maximus swore to himself that he would _never _ride the damn horse anywhere near a fight again.

Then he heard Scato's scream of pain and his entire world started moving backwards.Freeing his hand of the thick mane, Maximus flung himself sideways in an effort to avoid the falling horse, but only partially succeeded.Although his legs got free – thankfully, because they would have broken the easiest – his upper body took the bulk of Scato's muscular neck as the horse landed hard on top of him, jarring all air out of the general's lungs and dazing him enough to make the universe go black.

For several moments he lay there, unable to breathe and unable to see, wondering if, indeed, this was what it felt like to be dead.Maybe his problems were over, after all… and maybe the gods had decided to be kind and help him to do what he had promised not to do himself.Maybe, just once, things had gone his way…

Unfortunately, screams interrupted the peace, and he knew he was alive because he could hear.And he knew he wouldn't be for long if he didn't get up.

Instinct snapped his eyes open in time to see an axe swinging down to where he lay prone; desperation gave him the speed and the sense to grasp his second sword, still secured to the dead horse's saddle, and block the downward swipe.Seconds later, the axe-wielder fell, stabbed on by a grinning Festus on his way by.Maximus tried to roll to his feet, but discovered that he was still half trapped under Scato's neck.Snarling incoherently, he dropped the sword long enough to haul the dead horse off of his chest and scamper to his feet, fighting as he rose because now he seemed to be an easy target.

Ribs aching profusely and furious at the world, he proved that assumption wrong.To his men, Maximus seemed to everywhere – fighting, killing, and yelling orders and encouragement.He seemed to be the perfect warrior, unstoppable and undefeatable.Only the most foolhardy Austrians went after him, until even they stopped and let their general move in.

Hoof beats warned Maximus just before it became too late to move, and he dove to the side, rolling away to avoid falling under Hamilton's stallion's hooves.She spun her horse and came at him again, this time not to run him over, but to give battle from her advantageous greater height.Mentally cursing his former mount, Maximus turned to meet her, blocking the downward cut as it came.Two more strikes eliminated his already small amount of patience, and rather than wait for her to seize the advantage, Maximus reached out and grasped her right arm in his, yanking her off the horse and down to his level.Only as he acted thus did the general become aware of the searing pain in his left hand from where he'd earlier grabbed her sword instead of her arm.

To Hamilton's credit, she hit the ground and came up fighting, but Maximus was too furious and too hurt now to care about courage.He spun, eager to end it, and deposited his elbow right in her face, sending the warrior queen straight into the mud, reeling.His downward slash scraped against the side of her armor with a screech, cut its bindings, and bit into Hamilton's side.Had the battle not carried him away, he would have finished her off and been done with it, but Maximus was robbed of the chance by a lone Austrian soldier, more concerned for his queen's life than his own.The general had to admire the courage even as he slew the man and refocused his attention on the fighting around him.The tide was turning, indeed… chalk another one up for the shock value of cavalry against light infantry.

The following ten minutes took forever; they were an uneasy alliance of bone-jarring intensity and earth shattering focuses that fit together all too well.Maximus spun left and right, striking quickly and always getting the first blow in, all the uniquely aware of every move his sword made.Only on the battlefield could a human being encounter such complete and utter alertness.Just so, he knew when the Austrians would surrender.It was over; they were boxed; there was no possible escape.Rome triumphant, again.

_You're fighting for the wrong dream,_ his conscience assailed him._Wrong dream.Wrong man.Wrong Rome_, it taunted mercilessly, even as he fought on, waiting for the inevitable end.Frustration made his blows harder, his moves more sloppy than his men had ever seen them before.Still, skill carried the day and saved his life even when mistakes could have stolen it away.

_I know!_

"Enough!"

The strong female voice cut through the shrill sound of steel on steel and the moans of the dying and dead.There, in the middle of the field and staring straight at him, stood Desiree Hamilton, blood and gore splattered across her pretty face, her blond hair swinging free with her helmet long gone.Her armor, too, had indeed taken a beating; the queen bled from her left side and her silver breastplate was close to falling off.There was no discernable in her voice defeat when she spoke again, "We surrender."

"Desiree?" another warrior by her side hissed quietly, turning toward their leader in surprise.But Hamilton only shook her head and replied levelly.

"It's over.We can not win today."

Immediately, Maximus admired her common sense if not her courage.She could have run and left her people to die.That she did not told the general much about his adversary.The other woman tore her helmet off and glared at him in frustration, not questioning her Queen's orders, but clearly unhappy.Her dark eyes boiled into Maximus, but he gave her no sign that he cared.In truth, he did not; what was one eastern woman to him, he who had betrayed all already?He met the calm queen's gaze and nodded slightly, one general to another, in respect.Then he turned away.

"Valerius!" he called.

"Here, General."The immediate reply came from just beyond his right shoulder, and he faced his infantry commander.

"Send a rider into the city and inform General Quintus that his praetorians will be responsible for these prisoners."Better for Quintus to deal with them than he, Maximus knew.The praetorian knew Rome, while the general's knowledge was still sketchy at best.Besides, he would rather avoid Commodus when at all possible.

"Yes, sir."

The stink of blood still hung heavy in the air, and some screams of the wounded still echoed across the once peaceful field, even as medical orderlies rushed from one man to another, mainly knowing that their efforts would be worthless but having to try.Those who could be saved had already been in the intervening hours; now the only ones left were the stubborn but fatally wounded that refused to die.Amongst these men and their living compatriots, Maximus moved with quiet pride – not at the carnage but at the courage his soldiers had shown.Giving a quiet word to one and a pat on the shoulder to another, he told them of his feelings with his very presence._We did it_, his hard-set face told them._And it was worth it._

Then he spotted an object sticking out of the red-stained grass at a haphazard and shaky angle, only feet from Scato's now cold body.Momentarily distracted, Maximus knelt by his mount's side.The spear that had struck the stallion's chest was broken now, yet the end of the shaft still protruded grossly.Its placement, however, was what brought a frown to the general's face.If the damn horse had never reared…

Rising, Maximus pushed the thought from his mind.There was no time for that now.His moment of freedom was over.Rome was safe – did anything else matter in the scheme of life?Rome was safe, so back into the gilded cage Maximus went.

With sudden anger peaking, he tore his bloodied sword from the ground.Pride mixed with fury as he thrust it in the air one final time._"Roma Victor!"_

His men echoed him joyously, few even beginning to guess at the hole in their general's heart that had healed for but a moment and now opened once again.

As Quintus slowed his mount, he could see his old friend going through their old post-battle ritual with his staff.As always, it was a lively but tired discussion of what went wrong and what went right, and as usual when he was hurt, Maximus merely stepped back and let the discussion take its course, watching and learning until things got out of hand.Finally, the general stepped in, said a few words that made the surrounding officers' faces glow with pride, and with a backslap to Festus, the crazy cavalryman, dismissed them all.

Knowing he probably would not have much time before the men of the legions mobbed their beloved commander – _for heaven's sake, let's not have Commodus see this! _– Quintus seized his chance and moved forward.Upon noticing him, the general met him halfway, moving stiffly but quickly.

"Quintus," Maximus said quietly, holding out a hand in greeting.It always amazed the praetorian that his old friend had such a capacity for forgiveness, and that he harbored no ill feelings from his subordinate's…betrayal.Was there really anything else to call it?

"Maximus," he replied, shaking the offered hand with a forced smile.He still felt terrible about the events, oh so long ago, in Germania."You've done it again."

A wry half-smile crept onto the general's features before his broken heart killed it.The emptiness was still in his eyes, Quintus noticed, realizing that his hope for the Felix to bring it back had been dashed."The prisoners are dealt with?"

"Yes," he nodded, and then spat the dreaded words out.There was no use delaying them.Maximus had to know they were coming."The emperor wants to see you."

A resigned nod told Quintus that the general did indeed know.He sighed."Then let's go."

As they moved into the city, the praetorian could not help but frown to himself as he watched his old commander's form.His shoulders were tensed in anticipation, and Quintus knew the man was upset.Maximus was still fighting an inner battle, he realized, between the man whose honor would have been best served dead, and the man who could not and would not die because of Rome and the word he had given.Which would win? the praetorian wondered.Which deserved to?

And in the end, was Commodus really wrong?Yes, the slimy bastard had gone way too far in accomplishing his goals, but he _was_ the emperor.By word and by law, Quintus was bound to serve him, yet more and more with each passing day, the general found himself willing to follow Maximus anywhere should the man chose to rebel.The choice would be unlawful, unconstitutional, and uncalled for, but at the same time, it would have been so right.Not for the first time, Quintus found himself wishing for the black and white/right and wrong world he had known so clearly in Marcus Aurelius' service.If only life could be so simple again.

"General Maximus, sire."Quintus' voice was level, but Maximus could hear the disgust lying beneath the surface.Good man, Quintus Magnus…even when loyal, he did not have to like it.Past considered or not, Maximus still trusted his old friend, perhaps more than ever now, since the other general had not spoken a word of the terrible secret they all shared.And that, Maximus knew, was not for the sake of Quintus' own head.That was for a friendship he'd once thought dead.

Reluctantly, he stepped forward into Commodus' chambers, noticing as the young emperor waved Quintus away and wondering, not for the first time, what would happen if he killed the brat then and there.But no, he had too much honor for that.

With a soft _click_, the door shut behind him, leaving the general alone with the one man he hated as he'd never hated anyone before.It came as a shock to Maximus to realize that he hated Commodus even more than he'd hated his own father as a child, but that was the past, and there was no use dwelling on it now… "Caesar?" he questioned.

"How much do you know about Desiree Hamilton?" Commodus asked, staring distractedly out the far window, his back to the general.

Taken slightly aback, Maximus took a moment to formulate his answer and decide exactly what he wanted to tell.Fortunately, there was not much to say."I know her by her reputation: good with politics, brilliant with an army, and crazy enough to do things no one else would dare."

"Hmmm," the emperor murmured, then abruptly spun to face Maximus."I like her," Commodus said suddenly."She intrigues me."

For a moment, the general was reminded of an especially spoiled child, one who always wanted what they could not have.Fortunately, he kept the response his mind so rudely formed out of his mouth."Caesar?" he questioned cautiously.

"Marrying her would bring Austria into the empire, wouldn't it?" the emperor mused aloud, making Maximus' jaw almost drop open in shock.Was the man insane?

"I'm not sure that would be the–"

Commodus looked at him sharply."I don't care about you opinion," he snapped, but then his voice unexpectedly became dreamy once again."I _like_ her."

_Oh, dear gods…_ The general could have laughed, were the situation not so serious.Unfortunately, he knew firsthand what lengths Commodus would go to in order to get what he wanted.He spoke carefully."With all due respect, sire, I don't believe she would marry you by choice."

A slow smile spread across the almost innocent face."So I'll offer to let her people go if she does," Commodus said slyly.

"I do not think even that would work," Maximus said bluntly, desperately hoping to dissuade this crazy idea before it got to far._Oh, it would work,_ he knew._I saw it in her face when she surrendered.She did that to save her soldiers, not because she wanted to admit defeat.Desiree Hamilton still hasn't admitted defeat, and will not, unless forced._

_And can I ever stand to let another be cornered the way I am?_

One brown eyebrow rose curiously."Is she really that cold?" Commodus asked with interest.

"Her reputation says as much," the general replied, hoping against all hope to successfully lie for once in his life.There was too much at stake here.He could not, and would not, stand idly by while another was cornered by their beliefs.Enough was enough.

"We shall see," Commodus murmured."We shall _see…_"

Darkness reigned deep and heavy over Rome.Few stars light the moonless sky, yet Maximus needed no guide to get where he was headed; it was the one place in the city that he knew well: the Coliseum.Silently, he slipped through a little-used side gate, giving the bored guard a hard look that prevented the man from even considering questioning him.He kept going, straight into the bowels and deepest cells of the giant arena that he had once known well.No one thought or dared to challenge him, of course; after all, he was Commodus' _loyal_ general.Thus, he walked straight up to the praetorian on duty outside a small, isolated and enclosed cell without incident.

"General," Presario, a slight-built and brown-haired man greeted him quietly.

Despite himself, a half smile wormed its way onto Maximus' face.He had to like the kid; besides, the emperor _disliked_ this praetorian – Presario was too honorable and cared too much."Captain," he replied, glancing around quickly, but there was no one else in sight."The emperor has been here?"

"Yes, sir, and left angry, too," the young man replied easily, smiling ever so slightly.He too, found little honor in serving Commodus; what Presario did was for Rome."Apparently the lady refused his kind offer."

The general quirked an eyebrow at the gentle sarcasm.It was unlike the normally careful praetorian to go so far out of line, but he supposed even Presario could get fed up with the current state of being.What his answer held, however, was unsurprising.The Austrian queen really had no choice, after all… doom her country or doom her soldiers.Any good general would make the choice she had, and every one of them would hate themselves just as much as much as Desiree Hamilton was probably hating herself right now.

_And what of my choice?_ he wondered inside._If asked, Presario cannot deny what I will do, and I cannot ask him to lie for me.His honor is his own and not mine to ask for, and nor will I accept it if he offers.This is my choice and my risk.Let him be silent.Yet, honor – what of my own, now?What if I do leave her, this woman I do not even know, to Commodus' tender mercies and kind persuasion?Can I abandon anyone to torture and rape?She is a stranger, and there is no one to stop him, save me._

_So act I must, even though I know the risks.The risks – _Lucilla _– oh, gods… he will find out.There is no way to stop that, no way to save her… So what do I do?Where do I turn?To the stranger or the woman I love?But there is more than Desiree Hamilton at stake; there is a country of innocent people who will suffer as Rome suffers if they come under Commodus' heel.I have failed to save Rome, yet might I save a country to which owe nothing?_

But the questions were foolish.His conscience demanded he act, damn the consequences, yet that same conscience was tormented at the thought of what might follow… His heart broke at the very thought of Lucilla hurt, at the thought of what he knew would happen – how was it that he had to make this decision again?How come the _right_ thing to do had to be so wrong?Was he destined to lose everything in the name of _Rome_?When would it end?Had this not gone far enough?_Lucilla…_

_Enough!The choice is made._

"Somehow I am not surprised," Maximus replied dryly, keeping all emotion out of his eyes and his voice.His secrets and pain were his own.

"What will you do, sir?" Presario asked quietly, his eyes searching the general's face for clues, answers, and hope.Why was it that everyone looked to him to fix the wrongs?Maximus could no longer fix his own broken heart, let alone Rome.

"Relieve you of duty," Maximus replied bluntly, unwilling to drag an innocent man down with him.His own risks would be more than enough.

"I will not betray you, General.He is wrong."He had to admire the determined light in the young man's eyes, and in another place in time, when he'd had more control over his own life, he would have taken this kid under his wing and taught him all he could ever dream of knowing.Then again, in another place and time, he would have been able to accept Presario's offer.

Reaching a hand out to pat the praetorian on the shoulder, Maximus explained, "I know, Captain.But this is my decision, and the risks need be mine alone.I started this; let me finish it."On a whim, he added the last part, just to gauge the kid's reaction.In all likelihood, it would never matter anyway."Another time, I may remember your loyalty."

Presario barely nodded to the last, unsurprised, and shockingly, still willing.What a cavalryman he would have been… "Risks, sir?" he asked instead.

A grim smile briefly touched his features."Don't ask."

Her head snapped up as he opened the door, blue eyes cold and calm, despite the pain she had to be in from the badly wrapped wound in her side.Hamilton glared at him with open hatred, probably figuring that he was one of Commodus' men, either arriving to bring her to those that would carry out the emperor's promises or to do it himself.

Maximus closed the door quietly behind himself, not bothering to lock it – what good would that do, with its keys residing in his left hand?Meeting her gaze evenly, he let a long moment go by before speaking, just to watch her reactions.There was no fear at all…He wished he could say the same for himself.

"I am not here for what you think I am," he said quietly, choosing to speak her native language rather than Latin, which he knew she spoke quite well.No, this was for her ears only.The less people able to understand him, the better.

Eyebrows raising in slight surprise, Hamilton replied quickly, "Then what are you here for, General?"

The lady was sharp enough to recognize him, anyway."That depends on you," he replied quietly, pushing momentary doubts from his mind once more as she stared at him, waiting for elaboration."You know what will happen to you and your men if you say no to Commodus?"

If Hamilton took note of his distaste when he said the emperor's name, she gave no sign."I know," the female general replied.

_And courage, too.No wonder she's a queen.She, too, I believe, would be a danger to Rome in the long run, if only because her love is for _her_ country, not for ours._"And you still intend to say no?" Maximus pressed.

Desiree Hamilton met his gaze evenly, and he began to realize what a hard and strong woman this was."I will not doom Austria by saying yes."

"Nor will I doom Rome by forcing you," he replied.At her curious look, he explained."What remains of your army is now on its way back to Austria after being released three hours ago."

The hard look softened with confusion.Indeed, the woman was smart; only now she was learning that not all Romans were exactly as she'd thought.Well, Desiree was not the only one; Maximus, too, was learning that events could darken females as easily as males."Why do you do this?" she asked suddenly."What do you want?"

"Nothing," Maximus replied."What I do, I do for Rome, and a dream I once held…"

Her eyebrows rose in understandable skepticism."You are the emperor's general.You are Maximus Decimus Meridius, the man who would have conquered my country, had the Germanians not attacked you first."

Unperturbed, he replied, "And I serve Rome.With honor."Her gaze was still doubtful, but he met it evenly."I know what he will do to you, and I will not stand for it when I do not have to.That is why you are free to go."

Her eyes widened ever so slightly.Yes, she was good at control, but it wasn't every day when a prisoner doomed for a painful death was given a reprieve by the man whom had put them there in the first place.The battle, the victory, had been his, yet here he was, reversing it all.Finally, the inevitable question escaped Hamilton's lips."Why do you do this?"

_Why?If only I knew…_ Blowing right by her question, Maximus continued."If I let you go, I want your word you will not march on Rome again.Defend yourself how you must, but no more."

The Austrian frowned."What does it matter?You have defeated us once and would again."

Were she his subordinate, Maximus would have told her to have more confidence in her own abilities, because she was one of the best in the world.Definitely the best he had ever faced as well.But he knew full well that in an enemy, fear was a useful tool – especially in an enemy you meant to leave alive."We have enough problems without adding you to the list," he said honestly.

Her eyes gauged him, studying his face.Patiently, Maximus waited for her decision, knowing that he really had little time, but that some decisions could still not be made quickly."You have my word," Hamilton said suddenly, clearly deciding that she liked something she saw.For his part, Maximus merely hoped that his half-brained plan would be effective enough."And I thank you," she said quietly, surprising him slightly, although the general never let it show on his face.

"Do not thank me for doing what I must do," he said gruffly, and turned away."Come with me."

Riding hard from the city, Desiree could not help it when her thoughts turned to the man whom she now owed her life.Oh, she knew who he was, all right.The best in the world, he'd once been called, and even though rumors had called him dead in years past, he clearly still was.Maximus' actions confused her completely, of course, for she knew him to be one of Rome's most loyal servants, but Desiree Hamilton was not one too look a gift horse in the mouth.Even though she had sworn not to march on Rome, it was a small concession to save her country.Did the man really know what he had done?She had not feared the possibilities, but she'd not relished them either.Once was enough for that in her life.

Smiling grimly, Desiree vowed that someday, and somehow, she would pay him back.

   [1]: http://www.felixlegions.com/



	5. Broken Hearts

Robin Roberts

2001

[**www.felixlegions.com**][1]

You Have to Decide…

## **Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind******

## ** **

## **PART five: BROKEN HEARTS**

Quintus nervously watched the door shut behind his old friend as Maximus stepped into the emperor's private chambers.Strangely enough, there had been none of the usual tense and restrained hatred in the general's eyes beforehand, only a devastated kind of calm.There was something controlled and final in his movements, yet at the same time he seemed resigned.Undoubtedly, there was something severely wrong; something Quintus was unable to understand.Had it happened on the field, or after?Was Commodus worried about the legions' loyalty?Did the emperor fear a coup?

Or was it something else entirely?

The Austrian queen had escaped when the guard – Presario, of _all_ people to be careless! – was taking a leak.Could that have anything to do with this?Or, more importantly, could Maximus have had anything to do with _that_?Quintus knew that his friend's sense of honor had a habit of throwing itself in the way of many plans…

Oh, gods, what had he done?

"You surprise me, Maximus," Commodus said thoughtfully, moving like a predator cornering his prey as he circled the spot where the general stood rigidly, staring at the wall."You know the consequences of disloyalty, yet you still act.You know what I _will_ do, and yet that did not stop you… You, who claim to _love _her."

An almost insane laugh escaped the emperor as Maximus inwardly struggled for control.Every last nightmare he'd had was coming true… Outwardly, he was calm, yet inside, he was a mess._Anything but this_, his broken heart cried._Not this, not her… I would die a thousand deaths before I saw her cry.What must I give to stop this?_

"Tell me," the emperor wondered, "Why did you do it?"

A thousand answers ripped through the general's mind, but only one was, in the end, true.One attribute remained from his former self, and a small section of Maximus' heart rose when challenged."I will not allow you to make a mockery of Rome."

Surprise sizzled across Commodus features as his mind worked furiously, trying to comprehend the direct and insubordinate, insult.Defiance was not a commonplace action for Maximus now – he clearly knew the risks – and this straight-backed, quiet _rebellion_ was more than the emperor could take.He spun on the general, rage in his eyes.

"I think you will watch."

Five words were enough to send Maximus' world straight to hell.Was there no way to dissuade him, nothing he could do?This had been his choice, his risk, so why must _she_ pay?_Because you love her, you fool.Because she means the world to you._Thus there was only one chance left to stop this, only one way to perhaps buy Lucilla's life…Total and complete surrender to the monster.His lips moved of their own accord, ruled now not by intellect, but by the heart that lay in ruins beneath Commodus' feet.

"What must I do to stop you?" the general whispered as their eyes met, his own pleading for a chance, and Commodus' cold and hard.

Surprise registered on the younger man's face, replacing anger for one moment.Clearly, he knew what Maximus was offering – anything and everything.Commodus' eyebrows furrowed as he contemplated the possibilities.Then he smiled a benevolent predator's smile."Nothing," he said pleasantly, with his wrath dancing beneath the surface of his dark eyes."You cannot stop me."

The two enemies stood, gazes locked, for several long moments, as Maximus' fury built up.Control and honor warred with pain and murderous intentions, for at that moment, the general was tempted to kill.Never before had he wanted anyone so dead – not even Commodus.

"Guards!"The emperor's sharp command broke through Maximus' subconscious struggle, and his hand immediately flew to his sword's hilt as six praetorians entered the room, weapons and chains at the ready._I would rather die here today than be a part of his sickness.I will _not _stand for this!I have failed to do enough already._

But Commodus was still speaking."Fight, and make it worse for her," he said quietly."If they must kill you, I will kill her.If not, she will live."

As such, the devil threw the bargain on the table.Submit to save her life, or die for pride and love, yet have it be worth nothing in the end.Yet what a life… Maximus had no doubts that Commodus would do it.And he had no doubts that it would break both their hearts.

Moving his hands away from his blade, Maximus nodded quietly in defeat, unable, now, to meet the emperor's gaze.Inside, his soul was spinning at the thought of what he had caused.Honor be damned; nothing was worth this.As the praetorians disarmed him and closed the chains on his wrists, he knew that it was over.

Outside the palace, however, there was a beginning.Artists were turning out the first batch of busts already, in commemoration of the man who had saved Rome.The likeness was not very good, of course, but the small souvenirs were selling like mad.The craze had spread; now he was more than a defiant gladiator; now he was a savior.As always, hero worship in the city became akin to worship of a god, and __

The voice came close to his ear, whispering darkly."You will watch."

Struggling between fury and devastation, Maximus refused to meet the emperor's gaze or to do as he demanded.Instead, he kept his eyes focused on the side wall, head turned away from the horrors he knew would unfold before him.

A strong hand snaked out to grasp his chin, and before the general could pull away, Commodus had jerked his face forward to look him in the eye.Despite being chained tightly with his back against the wall, Maximus violently wrenched away, abhorring the man's touch.The words spit vehemently from his mouth before he could regret them."You cannot make me."

Still face to face with him, Commodus whispered easily, "Can I not?" Then his eyes narrowed and his voice grew sharp."Do you really want her dead?"

Maximus saw red before despair replaced his rage._Oh, Lucilla… I am so sorry._"No," he finally whispered, tasting bitter defeat and dreadful anticipation.

A cruel smile lit the emperor's features, and the general wondered briefly how much the man was flirting with insanity."If you look away, she will die," he said."But if you are lucky, I ill not tell her that this is your fault."

His pride shattered beneath the blow.Suddenly it was very hard to think, to breathe; he no longer cared for himself or that she might blame him, for that was not important enough.Maximus just did not want to see Lucilla hurt."Don't do this," he pleaded.

Unrestrained laughter leapt from Commodus' throat as he threw his head back in delighted mirth."Oh, you _plead_ for her?" he goaded the general."Really, Maximus, she is not worth it."

But Maximus refused to be baited.No longer did he care for pride or strength…only for the woman who did not deserve the pain of his mistakes."Yes, I do," he said quietly.

Laughing again, but more quietly, the emperor mocked him."I am touched."A harsh smile replaced the jovial one."And unmoved."

Blasé, the young man moved away, gesturing for his guards to bring his sister in.The analytical side of Maximus reflected that Commodus was indeed insane, but he wasn't listening.The rest of him was busy trying to fall apart.The worst of all nightmares was coming true.

Maximus cried.He no longer found shame in his tears, only pain.Commodus had, in truth, gone too far during those long first hours, and he could see Lucilla cracking even as she fought him every step of the way.Her heart amazed him, even though Maximus had always known how strong the princess was inside.And yet, with her own brother – her _brother_! – doing this to her, she fought on.Blindfolded and afraid though she was, Lucilla still refused to give in.But that did not mean that it didn't hurt, because he heard the cries, and he saw her pain through his tear-filled eyes.

He could not even look away.The praetorians in the room focused on him, waiting for him to make that one wrong move and give Commodus the excuse.To do so would be her death, and Maximus had already doomed her to enough without that.

Even his anger was gone now; there was no room for it in his pain filled soul.Part of him could not believe this was happening, but to the rest of him, it was all too real.

Hours later, Lucilla collapsed on her bed and cried.It was not so much the physical pain, because cuts and bruises would heal; no, the fact that Commodus, her own brother, had done such a thing to her was more than frightening.Yes, she had known the threat, heard the warning, yet somehow she still did not believe that it would ever happen.Not her little brother.Not Commodus.The worst part was that he had not explained a thing.Why was he so angry, so violent?Why did he persist in making that torture go on for hours without respite?Her heart shattered helplessly.She had so few family left in the world, and Commodus had just shown her yet another reason not to love.First Maximus had turned away – Maximus, the one person she could have trusted and turned to now, just when she needed him the most – and now she would never look at her brother the same way again.Now she would look at him in fear.

Maximus studied the dagger in his hands, knowing that he had been right all those months ago.There was only one way to end this.For the first time since that fateful day, he saw a clear path before him.This madness could not go on; it had to be stopped.And he only knew one way to do so.

Glancing up at the ceiling one last time, he whispered to the one person he knew could never understand."Goodbye, Lucilla."

He slit his wrists.

"You can't do this, Marcellus," Titus said quickly, trying to disabuse his best friend of his crazy idea before it got any further.

Marcellus Tullus dropped into a chair, annoyance written all over his face.He ran an impatient hand through his blond hair, making even more of a mess of it than before."Look, we have been over this one thousand times," he said shortly."And even you say that it is necessary!"

"I did not say that," Titus protested conservatively.

"Right.Okay."Marcellus rolled his eyes sarcastically.Titus was always a stickler for details, and it annoyed him, even though they were best friends and had been since childhood."What were your exact words then, that it would 'do Rome good for him to die'?"

"I said that he was ruining Rome.Not that he had to die," the other young man replied stubbornly."There is a difference."

Marcellus sighed, exasperated."So if he's ruining your precious Rome, wouldn't killing him fix the problem?"

Titus glared at him, offended by the slur against the great empire that they had both been raised to love."Marcellus!" he snapped.

"Look, his men killed my sister.He has to die."

Once more, Titus tried to interject perspective into the conversation."He probably did not even know about her death," the other man pointed out.

Unfortunately, a little common sense did nothing to improve the situation.Marcellus' eyes narrowed."All the more reason for him to die," he said quietly."He didn't do anything."

Drifting quietly into the antechamber, Sejanus noticed a peculiar smell in the air.That was odd, because he knew the general had entered his rooms – which was why he moved so carefully; General Maximus was a good man to serve, but a bad one to surprise.He sniffed again, unable to identify the scent.The odor was distinctly unpleasant, kind of sharp and salty all at once."Sir?" he called softly, not wishing to wake the general, in the improbable case that he was actually asleep.

There was no response.Sejanus frowned to himself and glanced around for the inevitable wolf; Skeleton always snuck inside Maximus' quarters, even though the emperor would have nothing to do with "that foul animal."But the wolf was no sooner in coming than a response had been. __His frown deepened; Maximus had walked in those doors not too long ago, and had not walked out.So where in the world was he?The manservant raised his voice slightly."General?"

Yet again, there was no answer.Aside from the stench, the rooms were impressively quiet and seemed entirely normal, but something seemed very wrong to the young man.The silence was too deep, too complete.There was no peace in the room, only stillness.And stillness, for the hyperactive general, was a highly unexpected and rare thing…and usually forced.

Nosing carefully forward, he sidestepped around a bookcase that sat haphazardly in the middle of the antechamber, effectively dividing the room in two.His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw the still, breathless figure seated in the chair on the other side.__

_"Help!Somebody help!"_

A voice broke through the blackness."He will probably live, sir," the stranger said."Given the fact that he is relatively young and in fine shape, the general has a good chance.But if he had been found any later, sir, he would be dead."

A deeper voice, Quintus' voice, replied with relief, "Thank you, Galen.I am glad to hear that."

"General Quintus, I have to tell you that no matter what that young servant thinks, those wounds were self-inflicted," Galen, the Imperial family's own doctor, said quietly.

The sigh escaping Quintus' lips was unmistakably worried."Yes, I know.I am just glad he is alive."

A tiny voice inside Maximus' soul protested to that._But what if I want to die?_Only then did it sink in; he was alive.Dammit to all hells, if slitting his wrists could not work, what would?Why did everyone have to stop him?Why wouldn't they just let him _die_?Wasn't it his choice, his life?_I want this to end, dammit.I don't want to be saved.Leave me alone._

But the images in his mind kept assaulting him, and they were worse than unreal nightmares, now.Now they were the past and the present, and her pain had been real – all because of him.All because he kept trying to save something that was already dead.He wondered briefly if he could will himself to die, to stop breathing, but Maximus knew that was pure fantasy.Done was done, and he was alive, _still_, despite his best efforts to prove otherwise.Unfortunately, he was stuck with life – for now.

"Of course," the doctor replied evenly, and moments later, Maximus heard the door click shut.Knowing that Quintus had stayed, he reluctantly opened his eyes.Better to face it now than later.

The world became an unexpected blur before him, though, and Maximus realized that he had indeed lost a lot of blood.This brush with death had perhaps been the closest yet, if one did not count that mess in the north all those years ago._Why couldn't they leave me alone for another five minutes? Then they'd be paying a funeral organizer, not a damn doctor, and I'd be satisfied._But a small instinctive voice, from the depths of his dead soul, interjected._Then Commodus would win,_ it reminded him.

_And I don't care,_ he lied to himself.

"Maximus?"

His vision swam and then cleared as the general focused on his friend.Saying nothing, he just stared at him, daring the other man to say that it would not have been worth it, and challenging Quintus to say that he should not try again.However, despair and remorse weakened the intended sharpness of his glare, and Maximus had no way to know how hurt and how empty his eyes looked.

"What did he do?" Quintus asked the unexpected question quietly, and with surprisingly gentle perceptiveness. 

Sudden images flashed through his mind again, and the general closed his eyes to ward off the pain, rubbing his face with weary hands."What didn't he do?" he whispered bitterly.

"Maximus?" the praetorian repeated, confused and worried.Opening his eyes once more, the general looked tiredly at his old second in command, knowing that the last thing in the world he wanted to do was explain.The last thing he would do was explain… Events were still running through his mind, like a never-ending horror story played out in the theater, his memory would not stop.He saw her face, her pain, her tears, and her fear – and they were all because of him.Lucilla's pain and Lucilla's torture were his fault.He had done that to her.

Rather than answer, he only closed his eyes once more, trying to block out the memories in particular and life in general.

But Quintus would not leave him alone.Bless the poor man's heart; he was worried for his friend.He was worried that a man that was already dead in so many ways would finish the job – why bother. "Why did you do it?"

Maximus had not the energy to lie.When his eyes opened, he only stared listlessly at the wall."Because he's won," the general whispered brokenly."And I do not know how else to end this…"

Out of the corner of his eye, Maximus saw Quintus twitch in shock because he had admitted defeat._Oh, yes,_ he thought with languid bitterness._I never give in.Well, now I know that everyone must lose someday._"End what?" the praetorian asked as he finally recovered from his distress.

He blinked."Everything."

From the tone of his voice, Maximus could tell that Quintus could not believe the defeat he saw before his eyes, but he no longer had the pride to care.He had already killed everything that was precious in his life, so why should he care about anything more?There was nothing left to care for, so why expend the heart and energy to find something new?He would only lose it."What did he do, Maximus?"

He only shook his head.There were some things unapproachable in his life, and this was now one… It was a terrible secret shared by very few, and the general would not enlarge that number.He had forgotten, however, that Quintus had been there for the fateful submission that had started it all.

"Did he hurt her?" the praetorian asked with barely concealed strain.A man of honor, Quintus could clearly never imagine even approaching the line that Commodus had oh so clearly crossed, but he knew the kind of man which they served.For a moment, Maximus wished he had the heart to hate Commodus again, to share the controlled fury behind Quintus' words, but he had nothing left to give.

Refusing to answer, he merely continued staring at the wall, not really seeing it, but the direction was as convenient as any.With every word the other man spoke, the memories turned over in his mind, forcing him to relive _that_ repeatedly…

"Did he, Maximus?" Quintus badgered him, and it was then that Maximus knew he would not stop until he had his answer.For once in his life, he had not the will to fight.

The reply emerged in a ghost of a whisper."I watched."

"_What!_"

Staring at the wall, he refused to answer.He had already said enough.Grief overflowed in his heart; he could not get Lucilla out of his mind.Pain was not a word to describe where she had been, and grief was sufficient to express what he felt.How then, could Quintus not understand why he wanted to die?

The praetorian recovered all too quickly."I had no idea," he stuttered."I am so sorry…"

"It is not your fault," Maximus said flatly.He saw her face… "I made the choice."Was it the right one?

No.Not now.Death was the only choice.

"Hamilton?" Quintus asked quietly, knowing but asking, needing to.He, too, though, had obviously seen the necessity and the risks.

Maximus nodded mutely."I could not destroy Rome, so I made my choice…" his voice cracked."And Lucilla paid the price."

Surprisingly enough, the other man did not dwell on the horrid past.Perhaps he sensed a measure of the despair his commander felt."I understand."

Slight conviction entered the general's mind; there was only one thing left to do."I want to end this, Quintus."

Unfortunately, the answer was immediate and not at all what he had hoped for."I cannot let you do that," the praetorian replied.

Pain made his gaze fierce as he snapped his head around to glare at his _friend_."Cannot let me?" he spat with contempt."You have no choice – this is my life, and my death."His hazel eyes burnt with full fury."I will not be stopped."

Quintus averted his eyes with – was it pain or shame?"You are right that it is not my choice," he said quietly."But it is no longer yours either."

"What?" Maximus gasped._Oh, please gods, no…_

Now the praetorian was the one looking away."The emperor…" he began hesitantly, "said to tell you that if you take your own life, Lucilla will die."

Now almost beyond feeling pain from those words, Maximus closed his eyes in helpless agony.His life was no longer his own; Commodus dictated that he live, and used the only way possible to control him.And gods…what control that was.Mouth suddenly dry, he whispered his reply."Then I will live… For her."

Silence reigned for several long moments; it seemed to Quintus knew not what to say.The two men both reflected with despair upon the past two years and how far they had fallen from all they'd once been.Both had given much, yet one knew that the other could give no more, unless – _unless_ – he bounced back again, as Quintus had seen him do once before, long ago, in the guise of a miracle.Maximus' strength often seemed limitless, and even now, Quintus had faith.Finally, he spoke the thoughts his heart begged him to reveal – to hell with legality; loyalty mattered more.

"When you decide to make your move, I am with you," the commander of the Praetorian Guard said decisively, laying heart and treason on the line.

Tired, drained eyes rolled to study him half-heartedly; the old fire was extinguished now."What makes you think I will?" Maximus said quietly.

_Because I still can't believe you've lost, _Quintus thought to himself._Maybe it's self-delusion, or maybe I bought into the legend, but I still believe in you._"Call it hope, if you will," he replied, "But you have my support."

Amazingly enough, the hurt general did not question his loyalty._After all I have done, he still trusts me…_Maximus only nodded silently his eyes still full of pain and far away."Let me sleep," he finally said, and Quintus left.

#### 

   [1]: http://www.felixlegions.com/



	6. So Much... For the Glory of Rome

Robin Roberts

2001

[**www.felixlegions.com**][1]

You Have to Decide…

## **Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind******

## ** **

#### PART six: "So Much… For the Glory of Rome"

The young night's moon and stars shone brightly in dark contrast to his mood.It was a beautiful night, indeed, and outside the arena's high walls, the city teemed with life.Inside the walls, of course, there was only the rare quietness that he had been searching for.Standing upon the sand that he had once thought would be his grave, Maximus had to wonder if indeed, it would have been better to die here than to live the painful lie that had become his life.

Scant hours before, upon leaving the palace in search of anything meaningful, the general had been promptly mobbed by eager crowds and well-wishers.They called him the savior of Rome, and a hero for saving the city.Unable to take the adulation, Maximus had forced smiles and easy words, then fled as soon as possible, desperately avoiding the crowds in his overwhelming desire to be alone and away from the reminders of what he had become.Finally, his search had led him here, to the one place he had despised more than anything, and the one place no one would follow.Thus, the general found himself again on the arena's sand, once more staring up at the stands.

Now the Coliseum was empty.There were no wild crowds screaming his name, and no emperor to defy.Yet, there was still Commodus, and for which he dared not to act.Moving lightly across the sand, and ignoring the pain in his still broken ribs and weakened body, Maximus kicked up a small cloud of dirt in frustration.There was nothing he could do, yet everything he must.Rome was suffering.Rome was dying… Even in the short amount of time he had spent in the city, Maximus knew that there were many things boiling beneath the surface.Even he had seen the problems that the emperor could care less about.

Most of the senate was on the verge of total revolt, even though each and every one of them knew they'd never succeed.Their courage was such that even though the men knew it was death to make one wrong step, they were still willing to fight for the good of Rome.The people would be starving within six months, and then what?Would Rome, too, rise up against this cruel emperor?If so, what road would Maximus take when the time came?A small voice inside asked, _What are you willing to risk?_

And that was a question he could not answer – not yet.

"I wondered if I might find you here," a voice suddenly said from behind him, and Maximus turned to face the person who dared to intrude upon his solitude, Senator Gracchus, who had miraculously been released from prison four months before in the only unified action of the senate during recent memory.His heart contracted, all of a sudden, as he thought of the dream he had betrayed.

"Can I help you, Senator?" he asked gruffly, wishing the older man's mere presence did to remind him of all he'd once promised to do, and failed in.

"The real question, General, is if I can help you," the politician replied.

The Spaniard arched an eyebrow.Inside, his heart was racing; why was it that chances always came when you could not use them?Had he not found out the consequences for risk so recently? As much as he might have wanted to, Maximus would not do that again.Enough was enough; Rome might have needed saving, but he was no longer the man to do so.He could not risk that much."Senator?" he asked coldly.

"You serve the man who killed your family," Gracchus replied evenly."I have to wonder why."

Maximus bristled."I have my reasons."

"Oh, I don't doubt that," the senator said."But I do wonder what they are.Was it so simple – a pardon?Or was it something more?"

"I do not owe you any answers," the general spat angrily.Unintentionally, Gracchus was backing him into a corner that he knew far too well._Leave it be,_ his eyes said coldly.

"No, you just owe them to Rome," Gracchus said forcefully, and Maximus' soul bled for the dream he had let die.

Not knowing quite how to answer that, and knowing, also, that it was all too true, Maximus instead asked, "What are you getting at, Senator?"

"Rome needs help, General," Gracchus said quietly, walking closer to face him."The people will be starving within eight months, and sooner if Commodus restarts those infernal games of his."

Arching an eyebrow in surprise, he replied evenly, "I did not know he intended to."

"Rumor says he will," the senator said disgustedly."And do you really doubt it? He loves his games, and the people will too, for a short while – until they kill them.He sells the grain reserves to pay for them."

"I know."

"And still you do nothing?" Gracchus asked in disbelief."You are in the best position to stop him, and yet you do nothing!I thought you believed in Rome."

Struck, Maximus took several long moments before replying.That the senior senator was becoming an audible voice for his own doubts was an unsettling thing… His heart had been broken enough without this, and it was becoming hard to remain cold and distant from it all."I do," he said quietly.

_But I killed that dream, Senator,_ he almost said._Can't you see it's dead?_

"Then when will this end?" Gracchus demanded."The senate is close to revolt, General.Certainly you know that."

"Just as you know that rebellion will only get people killed," Maximus replied coldly.He hated to be cornered by right when he was so damn wrong, and had no choice but to be so.

"Sometimes death is worth it."

_And sometimes it's not._"You cannot win," Maximus said bluntly."You have no army, and no way to remove Commodus from power."

"Ah, but we did," Gracchus replied evenly."Once.Once we had you.What I want to know is what changed your mind, and how I can convince you to do the right thing."

Slightly irritated at how close to home the man hit, the general's temper became short."I need no convincing, Senator.I serve Rome."

Gracchus snorted."You mean you serve him."

Emotions churned inside his heart.If only things were different…but they weren't.Life was not what it once had been.Nor, unfortunately, was he."Yes, I do," he said regretfully, then turned to walk away, unsure of how much more pressure he could take without snapping.

But an unexpected quiet question stopped him in his tracks even as he began to move."What about Lucilla?"

Despair threatened to burn his soul as Maximus turned back to Gracchus, thankful for the darkness but wishing the moon would go away, let its light reveal too much of his face.Carefully, he schooled all emotion from his voice."What about her?"

Barely contained rage perpetrated Gracchus' words."Do you know what Commodus did to her?" he demanded.

"I know."Emotion made his voice crack ever so slightly, but the senator did not recognize Maximus' despair for what it was._And how do you know, Senator?Did she turn to you because there is nowhere else to go?Have I done that to her, left her so alone?_

_Yes._

"And you still do nothing."

His head churned, but the reply came without emotion because it had to.He could not afford to risk otherwise."And I still have no choice," Maximus replied calmly."Goodnight, Senator."

With that, he left Senator Gracchus in the dust to mourn for the dream its keeper had killed.

A thought entered Maximus' mind as he moved across the stone floor of the Coliseum towards the doors he had used to get in, and for once, the thought was not of despair, rage, or regret.No, this time he found himself curious, as he realized that he had forgotten to do something well worth doing.It was high time he acted on this, high time he remembered.Spinning on his heel, the former gladiator made his way into the bowels of the Coliseum, one other place he had promised himself never to enter again.So many memories lived there…yet even those were better than his current, lonely life.Quickly remembering where to find the quarters of Jerses, the arena's keeper – Cassius was far too self-centered to live in the place – Maximus moved in that direction, hoping that there was at least one good thing he could make of the situation he found himself in.Perhaps then he'd be able to live with at least part of his life.

One knock upon the door and he entered; in his position, Maximus really did not need to be polite, and certainly not to Jerses.The old man glanced up quickly from the scrolls on his desk, his eyes growing wide with shock as he saw the general.He scrambled to his feet."Can I help you?"

"Juba," Maximus said bluntly."Is he alive?"

"I do not know who you…" Jerses trailed off as the general gave him a hard and angry stare, having no patience for liars."Yes, sir."

"How much for his freedom?" the general asked.

"Freedom?" Jerses almost choked on the word.

"You heard me."

By now, the city's action had died down to near nothingness, and the streets were finally quiet, save for the two figures seated on a lone marble bench.Juba quietly looked around himself at the great city, digesting the incredible truths he had just been told.He had always known there was a reason; now he understood.

"You are stuck on a never ending ride, my friend," Juba finally said worriedly."What will you do?"

"I do not know," Maximus replied quietly, and the Numidian reflected that he had never seen his friend so hurt or so empty, even before when the other man had wished for death."I do not dare fight him, yet someone has to.Something must be done."

"Is there not a way save her?" Juba asked quietly, marveling at Maximus' control, yet wondering what it cost him.He felt sorry for his friend in so many ways – he had been through so much – but Maximus did not ask for pity, and would probably not accept it anyway.What he needed was advice for a decision only he could make.

The general shrugged silently and shook his head wearily."I am lost," he finally said."And I have never been like this before.It frightens me, Juba."

"Then you must find yourself," the Numidian said wisely, "before you try to help anyone else.Only then will you know what is right."

Juba watched his friend's eyes travel to the sky in deep contemplation.Yes, he was lost…but Juba knew that Maximus would find himself once again.He was too strong to do otherwise, but as always, he always underestimated himself.It was only a matter of time."I hope so," Maximus finally replied.

"Have patience," Juba advised."And have faith.You will do the right thing."

Hours later, watching Juba's ship fade into the rising sun on the horizon, Maximus could but hope his friend had been right.His heart warmed slightly, knowing that he had finally done one right thing in freeing his friend; Juba deserved so much more than the hell he had been forced to live.He deserved to go home to his family.

But Maximus had never felt more alone.

"The people love him!" Commodus complained."He is still their hero!How can they love him?They are supposed to love _me_!"The antique Greek vase in his hand hit the wall and shattered, making Falco jump in surprise.

"Caesar, the mob's feelings are irrelevant," Falco said soothingly.He was getting better at dealing with the inevitable temper tantrums.Practice, after all, made perfect."First they loved his defiance.Now they love his victory.Next month they will love something else."

"Like what?" Commodus snarled.

Falco fought the urge to roll his eyes.Sometimes, their emperor was just a little too emotional about the entire subject of Maximus… and that did make the senator wonder.How could one lone man be such a threat to Commodus?What was it about that general?"The games, sire."

"You think it will work?"

"I see no reason why it should not," the senator replied."Give them a reason to love you and they will soon forget about him.After all, you are their emperor.Your people want to love you."

A slow smile spread across the young man's face, reminding Falco briefly of a spoiled child who had just been given the gift they wanted the most.He chided himself silently for comparing the emperor to a child; even if it was true, it did no good to think it.

Sometimes, though, he really wondered about Commodus' sanity.

"Maximus?"Again, the voice came from behind him, but now it was more quiet and hurt than he ever remembered it being.His heart threatening to break, the general turned to face Lucilla as she approached.

She looked terrible – oh, not on the outside, where her demeanor and appearance were as flawless and beautiful as ever – but her eyes were so full of pain that he almost looked away.Commodus had hurt her so badly; he had taken away much of her ability to trust through what he had done.Momentary rage toward the emperor welled up inside Maximus, until a small voice reminded him, _This is your fault_, and he found himself unable to meet her eyes.

Without meaning to, Maximus shifted uneasily on his feet until his iron will exerted its power once again.Even though it hurt to even see her, he could not afford to show weakness now…He could not let these feelings out.

"I need your help," Lucilla said quietly, her sad eyes watching every move he made hopefully.Then her chin came up, and she was the princess once more – inwardly, Maximus admired her strength even as he despaired over how she had to use it."Rome needs your help."

He swallowed."I serve your brother," he said coolly, hating the way her face fell with his words, but having to say them.Maximus would never let her be hurt again through his actions… he only wished he could explain, but knew that in doing so, he might as well sentence her to death at Commodus' hands.

"He has to be stopped," the princess reiterated, almost pleading, and Maximus knew what she meant.More than one thing that Commodus was doing needed to be stopped.Unfortunately, he was no longer the savior she needed.

"I will not help you."

Struck, Lucilla whispered, "Why?"

"I have my reasons," Maximus replied mechanically, struggling to maintain his passive mien.

"You said that before."

"And it is just as true now as it was then," he snapped, regretting the words even as he said them.Why did she have to ask the questions he could never answer?Why was it that this hole in his heart would never close again?

Lucilla blinked; and Maximus' heart crashed through the floor.He would have rathered die than cause her pain, but that was no longer an option… he should have gone through with it the first time.There were no second chances in this world, he'd finally learned, especially not for love.And gods, did he love her, probably more than ever before, or more than he had ever realized in the past.Theirs had been a fated relationship, doomed by so much love…and now it was killing them both, but only Maximus knew the horrible reason he could not share.He so much wanted to take her into his arms, to tell her everything would be all right, and that they would make it through this somehow, together… but to do so would be death for them both – and death for the dream that he had already betrayed.

"I thought you believed," she finally said.But the words weren't the challenge he had hoped they would be; they were only hurt.

"I did," Maximus said regretfully.

"Then why not now?" Lucilla demanded, a bit of her old fire entering her voice.But as he answered, he watched the flames extinguish.

"Because the dream is dead," the general said emotionlessly, knowing, even then, that dreams only die if you let them… but he had let that dream die.Let someone else carry it on, if they wanted to so that badly.There were some things he could not bear to risk.

He almost cracked as tears entered Lucilla's beautiful eyes.He almost reached out.He almost killed them both."I believed in you," she whispered."I thought I was not alone."

Had he any tears left, Maximus would have shed them then.Instead, he made the cold reply that he knew was true."The man you knew is dead."

He had said the same thing nine months ago… Only now it was truer than ever, and he wished more than his heart and soul were dead at that moment.The look in her eyes made him feel more terrible than almost anything – except what curing the rift between them would cause.Only the risks kept him in check, kept him cold toward the woman he loved more than anything… Inwardly, Maximus hoped that somehow, she would grow to hate him, and thus Commodus would not see the use in threatening her any longer.

Pained steel entered Lucilla's composure."Yes," she said quietly."The man I loved is dead."

He had once thought he had no tears left, but as Maximus watched her walk away, they threatened to break in floods.The worst part was that he knew exactly what he had done.

"Where are we going, Uncle?" Lucius asked curiously, his eyes shining with a child's delight.

"Well, Lucius," Commodus replied easily."I'm not going with you, but _you_ are going to visit a very old friend of mine… a gladiator."

"A gladiator?Really?" Lucius exclaimed.The boy was all but jumping up and down in delight.The Spaniard – or Maximus – was not at all what Lucius had hoped; he was usually distant and cold, unless you caught him by surprise, and made him smile.But he really didn't smile enough.And Lucius had only heard him laugh twice.

"Yes," the emperor grinned."He is going to teach you all about swords, and horses, and fighting – everything a good little prince should know.You'll need those talents when you become Caesar one day."

"Is Mother coming?"

"No, I'm afraid not," Commodus said, and the boy's face fell."Not yet, anyway.She needs to be in Rome with me for a while, but she'll join you shortly."

"Okay!"The little prince jumped out of his chair in excitement, all control and royal demeanor gone."When do I go?"

"This afternoon."

Maximus shifted in his seat and tried not too look too uncomfortable, all too aware of Lucilla's presence less than ten feet away.He had not spoken to her in almost a month – in fact, he'd been all too careful to avoid her, because he could not bear to see the princess after what he had done.Destroying dreams was turning out to be all too easy for him.

Suddenly the crowd roared, and Maximus struggled to keep a grimace off his face.He was disgusted by the games, and yet here he was, in the Imperial box, sitting at Commodus' left hand like a good little general.Scowling at the thought, he glanced with loathing at the arena floor, where several wild animals were busy tearing some helpless Christians apart.The crowd screamed again as the lions finished their work, and Maximus looked away, imagining all too well how those innocent people felt in their last moments.

His eyes almost met Lucilla's, but they both looked away; she with hurt, and he with shame.In doing so, however, he noticed that Lucius was missing…and then he realized that he had not seen the child in at least two weeks._Damn Commodus,_ he thought angrily._That is how he does this… The bastard wants life insurance._

As he turned away, though, his peripheral vision caught movement to his left, just in the darkness at the edge of the box.A shadow flirted with the light, and then disappeared… but Maximus saw a blade protruding from the edge of the figure.Knowing and hating duty at the same moment, Maximus was up and quickly moving, just in time to intercept the man that leapt forward.Unable to grasp the sword he was not wearing and cursing his lack of armor as he spun, the general only had time to deflect the attacker's sword with his left forearm.Pain flared along the bone, and Maximus knew he'd been hit, but it was hardly serious enough to matter.Quickly depositing his right elbow into the man's face to knock him off balance, he next went for the blade itself.

Only when searing pain tore into his right side did he realize his mistake.Maximus stumbled, and then twisted away, the dagger still caught in his side even as he caught the young man's sword in his grasp.A wave of dizziness washed over him, and despite himself, he started to fall, barely catching himself on the arm of the chair he had previously occupied.

A howl of rage drew his attention; several praetorians had caught the would be assassin.Maximus blinked woozily as Presario reached his side."Are you all right, sir?"

Scowling, the general inspected the wound.It was not too deep, and it wouldn't kill him, but Commodus certainly wasn't worth the pain.Straightening, he nodded."I'm fine, Captain."

A side glance in Commodus' direction told Maximus that the emperor was slightly shaken and indeed surprised; not every day did someone have the courage to try to kill the bastard, and certainly not a man this young.No one had yet the courage to do what needed to be done, until this child had tried… and failed to give Rome the gift of freedom because of the man who should have done it himself long ago.He almost asked for orders, but Albinus drew his attention away.

Albinus was Commodus' personal guard, and, in Maximus' opinion, the most sadistic of the praetorians.Even now, he had twisted the young man's arms behind him, almost to the breaking point.The boy was pale with agony, but was courageously holding it inside.The combination of those factors made the general step forward and gesture to the praetorian.Reluctantly, Albinus let go.

The blond-haired young man straightened to face the general, fury in his eyes.Curious enough to forget the throbbing in his side – yet making a mental note to check on it later before it got too bad – Maximus moved forward to stand before the boy."What were you doing?" he asked reasonably.

Instead of answering, the young man lunged forward, aiming past Maximus and toward Commodus, who was approaching from the rear.But one quick movement from the general sent the boy reeling, and the second pinned him facedown to the floor.For a split second, Maximus wondered if he should have just let the assassin by… but he knew that there were enough men there to stop any threat, and any lack of effort on his part could only get people hurt.

The boy's body lurched beneath Maximus in a futile effort to throw the general off, but even injured, Maximus outweighed the slight young man by a good deal and held him down easily.However, the boy kept fighting, and finally, in frustration, Maximus slammed the kid's head into the ground, dazing him almost into unconsciousness.

"Kill him now and be done with it."Commodus' voice made the general's head snap up in surprise.

"What?"

The emperor's eyes sharpened as Maximus dared to question him."I said to kill him."

"Without a trial?" he asked incredulously.Maximus had not thought even Commodus that insane, or that willing to betray Roman belief and tradition – let alone the constitution.Even in Rome, the emperor was not above the law.Especially in Rome.

"Are you questioning me, General?" Commodus snarled, and Maximus rose quickly, aware of the scene they were both making.

Face to face with the emperor, he replied without thinking."I cannot do that."

Presario hauled the young man to his feet as Commodus said haughtily, "He tried to kill me.He deserves to die."

"Maybe," Maximus allowed, "but only after a trial.That is the Roman way."

"I am Rome."

The general's eyes sharpened as his soul spoke."Are you?"

One thousand emotions flashed past Commodus' face, and suddenly Maximus was very grateful that no one else could hear that last challenge he had so arrogantly made.Abruptly he realized what he was doing…Then Commodus smiled and nodded gracefully."He'll have his trial then, Maximus," he said quietly, but his cold eyes told the general all he needed to hear – _you just crossed the line._

That time he had fought, even knowing that there was no way to win.Still, he could not bear the thought of that happening again… all because he could not control his own impulses.Why did he defend a dead dream when it cost him so much?

Finally, he was beaten and once again chained to the wall, body broken and bleeding this time.Torture, however, he could handle, and soon, his own pain mattered nothing, for again, his mistakes transferred into the agony of another.Again, the tears flowed freely, and Maximus no longer cared.Pride was not an issue…only Lucilla, and he knew his actions were killing her, inside and out.Sooner or later, this would end – and leave at least one of them dead, if not both.So then _why?_ his heart cried out, and something deep in his soul replied in kind.

_This must end.The only question is how and when – and will you wait for it?Will you let him pick and chose who he will hurt, and when?He _must _be stopped._

_But HOW?I will not see her hurt again… _Maximus could not bear it as it was, and neither could Lucilla.Both were breaking, utterly and completely, and he knew that the only possible cure was the one neither could or would dare touch.

A cry of pain jerked him back to reality.

   [1]: http://www.felixlegions.com/



	7. Another Legend

Robin Roberts

2001

[**www.felixlegions.com**][1]

You Have to Decide…

## **Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind******

## ** **

##### PART Seven: Another Legend

Lucilla studied the knife in her hands, and her thoughts were clear: the nightmare had to end somehow, because she could not take this any more.A knife seemed as good a choice as any, and that night seemed to be the most convenient time.She took a deep and shaky breath, finding courage within herself to end it all.Suicide was never an easy thing, even though she had contemplated this option before now.Grief lined her face as finalized her decision and the blade rose.

"Don't do it," Maximus whispered.He could barely form the words, he was so afraid… He had stood there watching her, praying that Lucilla would change her mind by herself, in fear of even saying a word, and so ashamed to speak to her at all, until there was no other way.He had done so much wrong…yet he had to do this one right. 

The princess gasped and spun toward him in surprise, then resolve hardened in her eyes.In a flash of silver, the dagger regained motion, but Maximus stepped forward to grab her wrists and to pull it away in time."Don't," he pleaded.

Not looking in his eyes, Lucilla struggled against him, and asked the floor, "Why not?"

"Please," Maximus whispered.

Trying to pull away, Lucilla grew even angrier as he held her tightly, and asked bitterly, "What right do you have to ask me to live?"

Had a hammer smashed what little remained of his heart, more damage could not have been done.Maximus' throat constricted painfully at the simple truth; indeed, what right did he have to ask that: he, whose actions had all but killed her already?But then there were so many reasons, still so much in this otherwise cold and cruel world… He could not bear to see her give up.Life could not always be as such, and there had to be something he could do or say to change her mind.Finally, though, Maximus settled for a half-truth."It isn't worth it," he said quietly.

Again, she tried to pull away; Maximus held her firmly but gently, not letting the hurt princess escape.She shook her head violently in reply, her loose golden curls almost touching the general's chest because they were standing so close."You do not know what my life has become," Lucilla snapped.

"Yes, I do," Maximus replied tenderly, throwing his broken heart on the line and caution to the wind; if there was no other way to stop this, he would bare his own wrecked soul.His only response, however, was her disbelieving snort.

Fear warred with love for but a moment in his mind; this was worth the risk, any risk.Now, though, he was jeopardizing far more than her life, because he was endangering everything he had ever held dear, especially her love.Now he had to betray himself, and tell the truth he had never wanted to even consider speaking of.But Lucilla deserved to know.Even though she would hate him in the end, perhaps he could still save her live.And then he would have at least done the right thing, and he would be able to live knowing that she did, no matter how gaping the hole inside his heart would become.

"Lucilla," he said quietly."Lucilla, look at me."When she still did not raise her head, he did so for her, gently lifting the princess' chin with his fingertips.Finally, her tear filled eyes searched his face for answers."Do you see the bruises on my face?"

She nodded quietly, the anger gone, and now much like a frightened and hurt child.In so many ways, Maximus knew how she felt, so he continued before he lost the courage to do so."Your brother and his men did this to me," he explained, "when I tried to fight them."

Confused, since she had heard him say repeatedly that he served Commodus, Lucilla wondered, "Fight them?"

The general nodded and quickly blinked emotion back.Slowly letting a breath out to steady himself, he went on."I fought them because I did not…" Maximus swallowed, and the words came hard as he relived every horrid moment of the past."I did not want to watch you be hurt."

Her blue eyes locked on his."What do you mean, Maximus?" Lucilla whispered, and suddenly, he had to pull away, unable to bear touching the woman he had hurt so much.But now she grabbed his hand, casting the dagger away along with any chance he'd had for her love.Still, though, he spoke, the words coming in a rush even as her touch sent waves of remorse through his soul.

"After I was captured, Commodus had me tortured," the general said quietly."Then he came, and demanded that I serve him.I said no… But then he threatened you-"

Maximus closed his eyes against the old pain, and did not dare look at her.He resumed the story quickly though, afraid he would lose the courage to tell it all."I could not refuse…so I gave him my loyalty.But I made a mistake," his voice cracked, and he swallowed once again, struggling for control."And he made me watch what he did to you.

"He did that because of me," Maximus whispered.

Stunned silence was her only answer, and the general could not bear to look at her and see the inevitable hatred in her eyes.What Commodus had done tore her apart; what would Lucilla's reaction be now that she knew it was his fault, that he caused her all that pain?More importantly, though: would it drive her to do what he was trying so desperately to stop?Finally, she spoke.

"The second time was because you refused to murder that boy, wasn't it?"

Those were not exactly the words he'd expected, and he ventured a glance at her face, which, somehow, was not yet angry."Yes," Maximus whispered, at last looking her in the eye for one brief, last instant."I am so sorry…"

Unable to withstand the pain in her eyes, he studied the floor once more, not really seeing it at all, but at least he could only feel her eyes that way.Silence reigned for several long uncomfortable moments, and Maximus felt his heart dissipating.Now, truly, there was nothing left… Some idiotic part of him had held out hope, before – but for what irrational dream, he did not know.Now, though, even that was gone.

"Why did you not just save Rome?" Lucilla suddenly asked."My death means nothing compared to that."

Did she know how wrong she was?The truth rushed from his lips."Because I love you," Maximus blurted."And I cannot bear to see you hurt."

A small gasp escaped her lips, and suddenly she was standing very close to him, her voice gentle."But you keep trying not to betray your dreams, yet every time you act, Commodus makes you pay.You are torn between love and loyalty to my father, and it is breaking your heart." 

He swallowed with difficulty.At that moment, there was nothing he would have rathered done than run from the room to escape his shame."And yours."

Her hand, still grasping his, squeezed gently."I understand," Lucilla said quietly."And I do not hate you, Maximus."Surprised, he looked up at the princess as her hand caressed his cheek."I cannot."

"But you are so hurt," he found himself whispering in wonder, almost lost in her eyes, and in the second chance that was staring him in the face.What had he done to deserve this…?

"Not by you," Lucilla replied tenderly.He could see it in her eyes; the sense of purpose had returned now that it all made sense."I can't hate you."

Blinking back sudden tears, Maximus struggled to ask, "Why not?"

"Because I love you."

A sudden wetness trickled down his cheeks."I am so sorry," he repeated, unable to move past the fact that for some insane reason, Lucilla forgave him for everything.How could she, after what she had been through?He could not believe that life was suddenly changing color again, but once for the better… Or was it merely that he was now receiving that fabled second chance that he had no longer believed in…Until now.

Lucilla placed a gentle finger on his lips."I know," she said quietly in reply."And I do not blame you, Maximus.I just…" the princess faltered for the first time, her own vulnerabilities showing through the strong exterior once more."I just do not want to be alone anymore."

Quickly, he grasped her hand in his own."You are not alone," Maximus whispered, pulling her close."Never again."

As their arms wrapped around each other for the first time in far too long, Lucilla replied into his shoulder, "Neither are you."

They stood there for uncountable long moments, each finding solace in the love they had always shared, and in finally being able to reach out and be _held_.Both had known so much loneliness and fear that they had almost forgotten existence without either feeling; only now were they realizing that life mustn't be so cruel, and they did not have to face the darkness alone.Without thinking, both threw caution and hesitation to the four winds and just let go.In an undeniably true and sudden process, the princess and the general began the roads of healing – together.

Tears of joy, pain, despair, and relief flowed from their eyes, but neither found a reason to hide their deepest secrets from one another.There had been enough secrets and enough lies to last a lifetime – now they willingly opened up to one another because each knew that the other needed closeness the most.Neither, of course, thought of themselves, but in the process of loving each other, their own injuries would eventually mend.Time bled into one long blissful moment, until Maximus finally whispered from the depths of his heart, "I love you."

Lucilla pulled back, and for one heart-stopping moment, the general's entire soul clenched in fear.But she smiled, lightly, looked deep into his eyes, and kissed him.

The first rays of the morning sun flooded in through her window and found them wrapped tightly in each other's arms and finally at peace.That night had been the most restful either had known in over a decade, not because they had made love, which they had not, but because together they somehow managed to banish all their demons.The darkness was no longer their enemy; the previous night had held comfort and love, nothing more.Each had their nightmares, but in waking together, those old fears vanished as quickly as they had risen.

As if from a dream, Maximus awoke first, and found himself smiling as he gazed on her peaceful face; a moment went by before he realized that it had been far too long since he had.Lucilla stirred slightly in his arms."Good morning," he whispered.

She awoke beaming."I thought this was only my imagination," Lucilla said in wonder.

"So did I," Maximus replied truthfully."But sometimes dreams come true."

Snuggling closer to him, Lucilla whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being here," the princess replied quietly."For fighting.For giving me hope."

The general tenderly kissed her forehead."We are living the dream."

"And what of another dream, Maximus?" Lucilla suddenly asked."Does it still live?"

Her words did not shock him, yet still he felt a chill run down his spine._Yes, Maximus, you made the choice_, an inner voice taunted him with gentle sarcasm.In giving his heart to her, he had precipitated many actions.Now there was so much more at risk than there had been even twelve hours before._This means you must carry it out… You cannot fail him now._"We fight," he finally replied."If we must."

"We will have to."As always, the voice of truth came from her.Indeed, Lucilla knew Rome far better than he could ever hope to, but they both knew her brother, and Commodus would never relinquish his prize without a full-scale war.Maximus' job, however, was to prevent things from going that far.

"I know," the general sighed, reluctantly freeing himself from her grasp and sitting up.Now he had to think strategically…always a hard thing to do when in love.Also, now he had to consider objectives he had never thought of in the past."Will the senate support me?"

Sitting bold upright in surprise, Lucilla repeated, "You?"

"Someone has to stop him, to stand against him," Maximus explained, wishing the world were otherwise.He swallowed for moment, remembering the dream he'd betrayed, but now determined to fulfill it once again.He owed it to Lucilla, and to Rome.The answers, though, he only gave her."Your father asked me to do so before he died."

Her eyes locked on his with understanding."They will follow you," she said quietly."They have been waiting for a living, breathing, alternative to my brother, an that is _you._You are the champion who can do everything they cannot."

_If only it weren't so…_ His heart grieved for a moment, but it had to be done.Rome desperately needed a hero, as did the woman he loved so much.Inwardly, he resolved to never let her be hurt again.He could not change the past, but in the future, he could assure that she was not alone, and that was a start.

Quintus rubbed his eyes tiredly and then returned to the reports he'd been reading.Oh, he could count the ways in which he hated the Praetorian Guard, and many were more mundane than his disgust with his current boss.Paperwork and making rounds were high on that list, and, as usual, he'd just come back from the latter to do the former.He sighed wearily; if there had been a torch nearby, he might have been sorely tempted to take it to those infernal forms documents.It was way too early in the morning for such poorly written crap.

He groaned aloud.Stupid as it was, he truly hated this inaction, and Quintus had always grown bored easily – one of the reasons why he and Maximus had always gotten along was that neither could sit still for any longer than they had to.This was quickly growing on his last nerve.Letting his eyes slide shut, the general decided to ignore the mounds of dead trees and hope they would just go away.Besides, sleep was more entertaining that this…

"Ahem."

Quintus nearly hit the roof when someone spoke behind him.Spinning, he glared irritably at the trespasser, who turned out to be none other than his superior officer.A crooked grin decorated Maximus' face, though, and the praetorian had no doubt that Maximus had been watching him for some time, just waiting for the right moment in which to scare Quintus out of his wits.Arms crossed and almost snickering – he recognized the look of old – the senior general seemed to be waiting for his friends to recover.

_Wait a moment…_ His mind suddenly alerted him to something amiss.This was Maximus standing before him smirking, the same man who had tried not once, but _twice_, to commit suicide in the most dramatic of manners.What had made him so happy that he could forget his pain?

"General?" Quintus asked in confusion.

The smirk vanished as soon as he spoke, seriousness rising in its place."A little while ago, you told me that when I decided to act, I had your support," he said calmly.

The praetorian's heart leapt into his throat, and for one cruel moment, he _hoped_"Yes…"

Maximus' eyes, determined, cold, and hard, met his evenly as he clasped his hands behind his back, the outward look of a calculated and collected general."I need the Felix."

Unable to speak from shock, Quintus merely let his jaw drop open._What did he just say?_His mind desperately tried to assimilate the information.It was as if he was living in a sudden dream world that could not at all be real… _Could it be so?_

"I'm ready to make that move, Quintus."

Ready? The man looking out behind those words was more than ready.He was able, and now, finally, acting – this was the Maximus of old, the man that Quintus and so many others would gladly have died for one thousand times over.However it had happened, he was back.This was the hero that Rome craved.Quickly swallowing his excitement back, the praetorian managed, "What are my orders?"

"I need you to find Lucius," Maximus replied immediately.

That, fortunately, was easy enough, even though he'd finally recovered from his shock.Finally, the gods were being kind to this great man… What would that mean, though, when this was over?Surely, Maximus would win, but then what?What of Rome – who would rule?Quintus knew his friend was not ambitious, but he had the courage, and in the eyes of the army, Maximus had more right than Commodus could ever claim.Even the people of Rome were beginning to think that, the praetorian recalled; rumors of how close this extraordinary general had been to the old emperor ran amok throughout the city every day.For a moment, Quintus' heart seized, and he wondered: _What if…?_

"Can you do that?" his general interrupted the pounding of his heart, and forced Quintus' mind back to the matter at hand.

He nodded quickly."Lucius is in Capri.The praetorians there are good men and will not harm him."

A small smile of appreciation quirked on his old friend's face."I won't ask how you know that, but good work," he said."We will send Presario to get him and bring him here."

"And what will you do?" Quintus had to ask, his heart doing jumping-jacks in anticipation.This was sure to be good…

"Take the city."

Even though he'd known the man for years – and had known that was the inevitable result of his plan – the praetorian commander still found himself flabbergasted to hear the words come so simply and easily from Maximus' mouth.Rome was a virtually impregnable city, and had not fallen in hundreds of years… It could not be nearly as uncomplicated as his general made it seem with his confident words.Seeing his silence, Maximus was continuing.

"The men are camped halfway between here and Ostia," he said easily."I can return at the head of four legions by noon, if I leave within the hour."

"And _if _you almost kill yourself getting there," Quintus pointed out, uselessly fighting a smile.Oh, yes, Maximus was _back_.Even the reckless courage had returned, as usual.Damn the man for making so much sense while being so stupid… even now, the general was only raising one eyebrow, and the look on his face was one Quintus knew all too well._You know damn well it's necessary_, the stare replied._So don't even bother arguing with me.It's not worth the effort because you'll lose, and I'll get my way anyway._

The praetorian sighed helplessly as Maximus voiced what the look had already said."I'm going.And I need you here to protect Lucilla."

Suddenly the risks dawned on Quintus.Whatever, the reason, Maximus was still risking so much… Was it worth it?But something about him had changed; now he did not seem so hurt.What had healed those gaping wounds?The praetorian was unsure he should ask, so instead he said, "You are trusting me a great deal, Maximus."

"Yes."

And there was no more reply than that.No questions, no mentions of a past betrayal.Just total, unconditional, trust.For the blink of an eye, it seemed as if years had not passed and lives had not changed – and ended.Maybe there was a dream left after all.Quintus rose."I will protect her with my life," he said.

"Thank you."For the first time, the general's voice held a measure of emotion other than confidence… was he worried, or was it just love?Maximus stretched out a hand in his direction."Strength and honor."

The very words shot a chill up Quintus' spin.The dream of Rome did live in his friend, after all."Strength and honor," he repeated, firmly grasping his general's hand in a silent pledge of loyalty.Then he added, "I will open the gates to you if I can."

Maximus smiled."The Felix and I will be waiting."

He strode quickly down the marble hallway, knowing that the palace was waking up now and he hadn't much time.Fully armored and ready for war though he was, Maximus could not help but hesitate before one door.The yearning to enter was unbelievable; his soul cried out for the human touch only Lucilla could provide, and his heart longed to tell her, just one more time, that everything would be all right.But there just was not the time, and if he were found there, it would all be over.He could not endanger her now, not when he was so close.Without looking back, he moved on.

_I will be back,_ he vowed silently._I will come back for you, Lucilla.You are not alone._

And suddenly, he realized, _Neither am I._

A lighting strike could not have electrified the city faster than the site of four Roman legions on the horizon.Proudly flying the standard of the lion, and with their general again at their head, the men of the Felix Legions marched onward toward the jewel of the empire, now not to protect it, but to take it and everything it stood for.Each man knew what he was doing, and every one had volunteered to be there.They would follow their general to hell and beyond; if he wanted Rome, he should have it.Besides, many had noticed the differences in him against Austria.Rumors had flown, and though Valerius had quieted them immediately, everyone knew that something was wrong.Instinctively, they all blamed it on Commodus.

Only Maximus knew how right they were, and he was still awed by their loyalty.Not one man had turned away when given the opportunity; each and every one of them had chosen to march on _Rome_, the heart of the empire they were sworn to defend.Were they breaking that oath?He knew they were not, and his men had the faith to trust without explanation.But Maximus just was not that type of man.Raising his right arm, he called for the halt and battle formation.

He glanced over his shoulder to Valerius."Command and staff," he said, meaning for the colonel to gather all the officers and senior enlisted men together.He generally used such an assembly for last-minute, crash-planning sessions, but not today.This afternoon, he knew exactly what he was doing; now he only had to explain why.

Within five minutes, his key staff had gathered from the far reaches of his legions, and his men were battle-ready.He grinned for a moment as he assessed them and found no fault.They were truly the best in the world, and he again felt proud to lead them in pursuit of a great man's dream._Dreams only die if you let them_, a voice whispered in his mind.Nodding, he turned to his men.

They were mostly his old friends, these handpicked officers, and the finest in all of Rome's armies.He'd pulled a lot of strings over the years to keep them with him, often driving Marcus Aurelius crazy in his tenacity.Yes, there were others almost as good, but none like these.Now he was glad for those long years and the trust they had borne.Maximus studied them all, one by one, the confident and ready faces.Yes, they deserved to know what they were fighting for.

"Before we go any further," he began, "you all deserve an explanation from me.I have asked you to fight against your own home.Moreover, I have asked you for unquestioning loyalty.I guess what surprises me the most is that you never asked why."

"We never needed to, sir," Valerius said, accompanied by the others' nods.Maximus pushed his next words through the unexpected lump in his throat.

"Maybe not, but you deserve to know," he replied, and took a deep breath before continuing.Was he nervous, or was it just anticipation that pounded in his head?"As many of you are aware, I spoke to Marcus Aurelius before he died.That day, he told me that Commodus was not to be his heir."

A falling sky could not have shocked them more than the general's evenly spoken words.Simultaneously, his officers' eyes widened and their lips parted ever so slightly in surprise.One by one, they looked to each other in shock; it made sense as the truth yet was still incredibly stunning.Before they could ask the inevitable question – or he could lose his nerve to bare this secret he had kept for so long, Maximus continued.

"The emperor asked me to ensure that the power of Rome was restored to the people.He wanted Rome to be a republic again."He paused for a moment, remembering those last moments with the one father he had ever truly loved, and grieved once more.Maximus would have given anything to have the old man's guidance now.But he would have given even more to be able to thank Marcus Aurelius for all he had done over the years.However, he knew the time for that was past, and it was time to move on.Waiting several moments more, the general let his words sink in, admiring the calm and ready faces.Finally, he spoke the last and necessary words.

"Commodus found that out and killed him."

Shock played over their faces – Maximus' "death" made sense now; finally, Valerius spoke for them all."We are with you, sir," the infantryman said quietly."We always have been."

"And now you know why," Maximus replied, nodding acknowledgement of their loyalty – what else could he do, save accept it?_They_ would give nothing less.His eyes scanned their faces for doubt, but there was none._Let my men see me alive and you shall see where their loyalties lie…_Once that had been a source of pride to him, then a shameful reminder of his past, but now it served Rome once more, and that was enough.

"Questions, gentlemen?" he asked quietly, but there were none.They all knew the plan; now they only had to finish what should have been started long ago.He allowed himself a confident grin for the first time in… too long."Then get back to your men," he ordered."And tell them we fight for Rome."

There was no battle; and this would not be the last time in Roman history that the beautiful city's gates were opened from within.However, no invaders marched through the streets, and the Praetorian Guard had been ordered to stand down.Most obeyed, though some chose not to, and the streets began to bleed as praetorian met legionnaire in the very heart of the empire.The action was fast and furious, but horrendously one sided.The guard might have known the city well, but Maximus' four legions overran them through sheer force of will and training.Lives were spared when possible; even on opposite sides of this battle, the warriors were still brother Romans.

Many of the praetorians changed their minds as the conflict wore on and they spotted the figure at the head of the main Roman line, and they did not only stand down; when necessary, they turned and fought side by side with the legions.Over the past few months, even Commodus' personal guard had grown to love and respect the great general, almost as his own men did.The emperor had never noticed this before, nor could he have understood why his own men were drawn to his mortal enemy.He could never have understood great leadership.

With absurd quickness, the head of the column moved upon the Via Appia to the palace steps.Incredibly enough, Commodus was waiting there with – Maximus' heart leapt into his throat and threatened to choke him – Lucilla standing nearby.Until he spotted Quintus behind her, the general saw red; then he realized that Quintus had still not shown his hand.Commodus did not know that his Praetorian Commander held a royal flush.

Maximus dismounted at the bottom of the stairs and moved forward without hesitation.The young emperor's eyes widened in shock, but he did not retreat.In fact, he was foolish enough to move his hand to his gladius' hilt in an all too clear acceptance of the unspoken challenge.

Their eyes locked, each cold and calm.Commodus was especially confident, knowing that he held the one thing dearest to Maximus in the world, and could take that away any time.The younger man's eyes suddenly danced with glee as he realized that there was an utterly easy way to win this battle, and to reclaim all the power the general held over him.

Then Maximus smiled, and Commodus faltered.

"Lucius Commodus Aurelius Antoninus," Maximus announced in a loud and clear voice, fully aware of the crowd lining the streets."I arrest you in the name of Rome –"

_"What?"_ the younger man cried.That was certainly not what he had expected to hear, but Maximus just plowed right through and went right over his screech.

"–For the murder of the Emperor Marcus Aurelius," he finished, only then noticing the nearby gathered senators, and the shock on their faces.

Commodus threw back his head and laughed madly._He is insane_, the general thought.But the emperor only kept laughing, so Maximus looked directly at Quintus.

"General?" he asked, and Quintus stepped forward willingly.

"Highness, you are under arrest."

_That _stopped the laughter, and Commodus' mad face quickly turned to confused despair."Quintus?" he gasped.

The praetorian only met his gaze evenly and proudly, and Maximus bit back a smile for his friend.Finally, they were both returning to what was right.At Quintus' signal, several praetorians moved forward and took Commodus away.The unfortunate young man fought them uselessly, carrying on about how he was the rightful ruler of Rome, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.Not even the crowd cared for him now; they were too enthralled with the presence of _their_ general on the steps.Somehow, he looked as if he belonged there.

Maximus' eyes quickly scanned his surroundings; he had senators to the left, Lucilla to his right, and his army at his back.There were no threats left – then movement caught his attention from the corner of his eye, and suddenly Lucilla flew into his arms.Not caring about protocol, the crowd, or even the senate, Maximus willingly returned the embrace, burying his face in her long curls."It's over," he whispered.

"No," the princess said in his ear.Then she pulled back to look at him, her beautiful eyes shining with tears he longed to kiss away.Lucilla smiled."It's only beginning."

The crowd roared as they kissed passionately, not caring a wit about their surroundings or those watching them – the war was over; the pain had ended; and now, finally, they were free to love and be loved.There was no monster to torture them and keep them apart.The twin emptiness in two souls had been filled by another, and suddenly, neither feared what the future might bring.Now they were free to follow their dreams, together, and after the hellish paths they had both walked, nothing was more crucial than love.

Finally they parted, faces flushed and eyes glowing.Only then did Gracchus' voice, stiff and filled with mistrust, reach them."Rome is yours, General."

Together the general and the princess turned to face the old senator, their hands joined and their thoughts aligned.So much had been lost… including humanity for them, and justice for Rome.How either could be rekindled was yet a mystery, but both knew that not every battle could be won.In the end, one crucial element would never be attained, and no matter which it was, Rome would suffer.Without a human and compassionate leader, the republic would never survive, yet to heal Rome, neither would ever be able to heal themselves; each knew that, in the end, fighting the system would only break them further, and eventually, tear them apart.

Neither needed to speak for the decision to be made.

"Marcus Aurelius had a dream that was Rome, Senator," Maximus responded evenly."And he died because of it.

"He wanted to give Rome _back to the people_ as a final gift.He wanted Rome to be free.The emperor entrusted that dream to me before he died."The general looked the senator in the eye."And I give it to you."

The crowd grew deathly silent.Everything they had known of the past had just been thrown topsy-turvy and jiggled upside down.Even Gracchus looked shaken, but he spoke sincerely.

"The crown is yours if you want it."

Quickly looking at Lucilla, Maximus was glad to see her nod, a slight smile on her face.More importantly, though, her features held _hope_, and he shared it in his heart.He would have no regrets.

"No," he replied quietly, knowing what the old senator was offering, and how great a gift it was."My dreams lie elsewhere."

Slowly, he turned toward Quintus even as the praetorian commander approached once more.From the look on the other man's face, Maximus knew no explanation was necessary.He extended his right hand to his old friend."Protect the Senate," he said."They are the people's only voice."

The praetorian's handshake was warm, but he seemed unable to find his voice.Their eyes met, and Maximus smiled to reassure him – yes, this was everything he wanted, and just what he needed."Good luck," Quintus finally managed.

"And you," the general replied."I will look for you in Spain."

"I will come," the other confirmed, and then bowed to Lucilla one last time."My Lady."

She smiled as he kissed her hand."I thank you, General, for your courage."

Quintus only nodded, but Maximus knew that Lucilla understood.Sometimes words were too much.He looked to Gracchus one last time.

"Take care of her, Senator," he said."I will always be watching."

"We will do our best, General."

The Protector of Rome nodded easily."Of that I have no doubt," he said, and without looking back, Maximus and Lucilla walked away, leaving the city of dreams and nightmares in their wake.

#### 

   [1]: http://www.felixlegions.com/



	8. Epilogue

Robin Roberts

2001

[**www.felixlegions.com**][1]

You Have to Decide…

## **Which Dreams to Follow, and Which to Leave Behind******

## ** **

##### Epilogue:

Lucius met his mother and Maximus at the docks in Ostia, and together, the three departed for Spain, much to the young prince's excitement.Thousands of people followed in their wake, weeping, rejoicing, and pleading, but the couple accepted their well wishes and moved on.Neither the princess nor the general looked back until they stood on the deck of their ship, Italy far behind them and the sun dropping below the horizon.Even then, they celebrated.

Commodus was killed in prison while awaiting trial.The senate was never able to discover the identity of his murderer, and none of that august body's members tried too hard.He died quietly, without fanfare, and the people never cared enough to treat him to a funeral procession.He was the first emperor to be burnt anonymously.His ashes were scattered to the four winds.

Over the years, Maximus and Lucilla married and began a new life together on Maximus' lands in Spain, rebuilding and rekindling the home and their love.A family, too, was not long in coming, and Lucius was quickly treated to a baby sister, Serena.The beautiful little girl was born healthy, and thrived in the warm peace she knew at home.

The republic failed.Shortly after Valerius led the legions from the city, Quintus Magnus transferred command of the Praetorian Guard to Presario, and retired.While he and his family moved on to brighter places and to visit old friends, Rome dropped into chaos.Presario was one of the first to die; following this, the Praetorian Guard, led by none other than Albinus, auctioned the throne off to the highest bidder.One of Commodus' chief advisors, Pertinax, made it to the top, but lasted scarcely three months before being assassinated.Two other short-lived rulers followed him.

During these two fateful years of civil strife, Maximus began the process of recalling his old legions in preparation.However, another general by the name of Septimius Severus declared himself Emperor and marched on Rome from the north.A wry smile lit Maximus' face upon this, and he released his men, knowing that Rome, although not a republic, was safe.Severus turned out to be a good leader and emperor, until he made the mistake of leaving a son behind as his heir.

##### The dream of Rome is still alive.

We Live in the Hearts of Those We Leave Behind.

Finis.

Author's note:

_Yes, I stole a few lines from the second draft script.They were good ones, and it was a shame not to use them.Please don't sue me; as always, I'm just having fun."Gladiator," its scenes, characters, etc, don't belong to me, and I'm not making any money.I just love the movie._

_It's been interesting writing this story… I'm sorry it has taken me so long.Please don't take me for a psychopath because of the dark content in this baby.I'm really a happy person, despite my being at a military school and all.I really don't think like this.I just can get into characters' heads sometimes._

_Now I will try to address some of everyone's remarks in earlier reviews, because some of them need to be answered:_

_1 – Russell Crowe's eyes are "blue/green," but they sometimes look gray.That's why I called them hazel._

_2 – As for Liva's death – her brother is the one who tried to kill Commodus… in case you didn't guess.The original significance of her death was just to show how far Rome had fallen, but then I decided to reuse her brother._

_3 – How did Commodus know Maximus let Desiree escape?Easy – like Maximus had known, Presario would not lie unless asked… and he told him not to.Besides, Commodus knows Maximus' sense of honor._

_ _

_Well, that's really all, unless there's more questions – which if you email me, I will answer**.Please R&R** if you_

_will, and read my other stuff._

   [1]: http://www.felixlegions.com/



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